Thursday, April 29, 2010

Thinking you’re naked

I wish I wrote this, because it is so profoundly beautiful. But I didn’t. I just stole this from some other guy who did write it. This is from a book called Stuff Christians Like, by Jonathan Acuff. Enjoy.

“I don’t want to brag, but I’m pretty awesome at applying band-aids. And make no mistake, there is an art. Because if you go too quickly and peel them the wrong way, they stick to themselves and you end up with a wadded up useless mess instead of the Little Mermaid festooned bandage your daughter so desperately wants to apply to a boo boo that may in fact be 100% fictional.

Half of the injuries I treat at the Acuff house are invisible or simply wounds of sympathy. My oldest daughter will scrape her knee and my 3-year old, realizing the band aid box is open will say, “Yo dad, I’d like to get in on that too. What do you say we put one on, I don’t know, my ankle. Yeah, my ankle, let’s pretend that’s hurt.”

But sometimes the cuts are real, like the day my 5-year old got a scrape on her face playing in the front yard. I rushed in the house and returned with a princess bandage. As I bent down to apply it to her forehead, her eyes filled up with tears and she shrunk back from me.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I don’t want to wear that band-aid.” She replied.

“Why? You have a cut, you need a band-aid.” I said.

“I’ll look silly.” She answered.

Other than her sister and her mom, there was no one else in the yard. None of her friends were over, cars were not streaming passed our house and watching us play, the world was pretty empty at that moment. But for the first time I can remember, she felt shame. She had discovered shame. Somewhere, some how, this little 5 year old had learned to be afraid of looking silly. If I was smarter, if I had been better prepared for the transition from little toddler to little girl, I might have asked her this:

“Who told you that you were silly?”

I didn’t though. That question didn’t bloom in my head until much later and I didn’t understand it until I saw God ask a similar question in Genesis 3:11. To me, this is one of the saddest and most profoundly beautiful verses in the entire Bible. Adam and Eve have fallen. The apple is a core. The snake has spoken. The dream appears crushed. As they hide from God under clothes they’ve hastily sewn together, He appears and asks them a simple question:

“Who told you that you were naked?”

There is hurt in God’s voice as He asks this question, but there is also a deep sadness, the sense of a father holding a daughter that has for the first time ever, wrapped herself in shame.

Who told you that you were not enough?

Who told you that I didn’t love you?

Who told you that there was something outside of me you needed?

Who told you that you were ugly?

Who told you that your dream was foolish?

Who told you that you would never have a child?

Who told you that you would never be a father?

Who told you that you weren’t a good mother?

Who told you that without a job you aren’t worth anything?

Who told you that you’ll never know love again?

Who told you that this was all there is?

Who told you that you were naked?

I don’t know when you discovered shame. I don’t know when you discovered that there were people that might think you are silly or dumb or not a good writer or a husband or a friend. I don’t know what lies you’ve been told by other people or maybe even by yourself.

But in response to what you are hearing from everyone else, God is still asking the question, “Who told you that you were naked?”

And He’s still asking us that question because we are not.

In Christ we are not worthless.

In Christ we are not hopeless.

In Christ we are not dumb or ugly or forgotten.

In Christ we are not naked.

Isaiah 61:10 it says:

For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness.

The world may try to tell you a thousand different things today. You might close this post and hear a million declarations of what you are or who you’ll always be, but know this.

As unbelievable as it sounds and as much as I never expected to type this sentence on this blog:

You are not naked.”

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, and they hid themselves from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. So the LORD God called out to the man and said to him, "Where are you?"

And he said, "I heard You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid."

Then He asked, "Who told you that you were naked? “

(Gen 3:8-11)

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A heavy-hearted prayer

I cannot handle all of these peoples' problems.

God, relieve my burdens.

This post might be a sin.

So I don't want to boast unless I'm boasting about God, right? But I kind of really do want to boast. So I'm probably about to boast. And maybe sometime near the end I will sort of hook a little God message onto it and transform it into a God boast and you will be like, Wow! She totally just did that. And then I will be satisfied.
So I've spend like the last 3 months of my life studying for this horrid ACT test. I'm talking like every waking minute. I crammed so much useless information into my brain for that exam and I was just sure I did horrible on it.(Honestly, you probably don't care at all how I did on the ACT. And that's ok. You can stop reading now if you want. It doesn't much matter to me. I just really wanted to get this out. Because I'm super excited about it.) Now my mom told me not to set a goal, but for my goal to be "the best I could do." That sounds sweet, huh? But I went ahead and set a goal. 30. Which is a pretty high goal. I didn't expect to get it the first time. But maybe if I took it again I would reach it the 2nd or 3rd time. So my scores came in a few days ago. And guess what?? Thirty-freaking-two. Yeah! Right on, MaryBeth. Maybe homeschooling isn't so bad afterall. Maybe all of that hell-like studying was really quite worth it. Like, I don't get proud of myself very often. But I am so freaking proud of myself right now. I did that! I got a 32 on the ACT. All by myself. I did it. (Also I did better than my older sister. And not that that matters or anything, but....HA!)
And when I got to thinking about it...I figured this was part of God's perfect plan all along. And also, I didn't actually do this all by myself. There's no way I could have gotten that score if it wasn't for those 20 people who texted me the morning of my test and said they were praying for me. Thank you so much if you were on of those people. Because I know God was so with my during that test and during all of my studying. And I got this wicked score because of Him alone. It was all for His glory. Because I want to use this score to further glorify Him in my life. I think I got this score because there is no way I could afford to go to any of the schools that I am looking at without some sort of crazy scholarship. I needed this score. And I hope it is God's will that this score be used to help me get into the school that He wants for me and that I can continue on my path of life just seeking His face. Also..if this is totally not his plan, I'm pretty cool with that too. This is just my human mind trying to take a wild guess at the Creator's perfect will. I'll be interested to see how close I am.
Thus concludes my boasting about myself and my boasting about God.

I. Missed. You.

I want to start writing again. I don't really know why I stopped. But I want to start again. I miss this little blog. I miss you people. You faceless people who may or may not read my beautiful, broken thoughts. A lot is going on in my life, and I think I stopped writing because I am so busy. That's stupid. Being busy. I kind of like being busy, because I am busy with things that I love. But I kind of hate being busy, because sometimes I just want to REST. So I'm struggling to find that balance. And to find enough time for the friends that I love and my family and my Husband and school work and what have you. Maybe you could pray for me for that, dear friend? To be able to find that balance. Oh, that beautiful balance. My summer is only going to get more busy. But it is also going to get more awesome. Because it is filled with crazy hardcore Jesus things. And you know how I feel about Him. I just don't want to get overwhelmed, you know? I don't want to burn out. Meh. I miss this blog. I miss just pouring my thoughts out and typing and typing and typing until nothing else is left to be said. I miss working for hours arranging the words until they sound most lovely. I think I shall be writing more now. I hope to be, at least. Like I said, I have a lot of things to write about.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Just...come

"Come to Me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

mmm. I need.