All Our Hope is in You, Lord.

Please read this short study on hope, and be filled.

http://docs.com/GRU5

And here is some scripture for you.

 

God is good!

I Don't Need

• 10 cardigans
• wireless internet
• extra money
• a husband
• a 4.0
• a perfect roommate
• a warm shower
• a perfectly organized schedule
• scholarships
• a bigger church congregation than you have
• a hot breakfast
• heated buildings
• a friend for every day of the week
• snacks
• naps
• a college degree
• a vehicle
• facebook
• music
• a nice camera
• a boyfriend
• a cell phone
• organic things
• hair dye
• winter boots
• three churches and a small group
• Christmas decorations
• piercings 
• scarves

All I need is You, Lord.

  The Lord is my shepherd;
      I have all that I need.
      --Psalm 23:1

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. --Matthew 6:33

Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.  But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction.  For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows. --1 Timothy 6:6-10

Jesus replied, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. --John 6:35

Decorate a Dorm For $4.00 or Less!

That's right, my friends.
I took a lovely trip to the thrift store today
and returned with a bag of magnificent
Christmas decorations
for my dorm decorating needs.















 Totaling $4.00, I'd say the trip
was well worth my time.
If you are in need of some
Christmas decorations,
I would highly recommend
a thrift store.
They have the exact same decorations
that the other stores have
for a fraction of the price.















And they also have nifty
hand painted signs















And things that someone's
grandma once crocheted.

 

Oh! I almost forgot!

I also got a couple of Christmas records 

for 50 cents

to listen to while I decorated

and for the next

26 days!

 

Merry Christmas!

Things to be Thankful for

• red leaves
• scarves, hats, mittens
• nine days at home
• LovetheLou
• Emily -- discipler, friend, sister
• the opportunity to go to school
• Jesus Christ
• the impending Christmas season
• my plant is still alive
• a Cru family
• my mommy who rocks
• homemade Christmas gifts
• Blessing the Children International
• Natnael -- my Ethiopian blessing
• cheesecake
• my car still runs
• clean water
• good medical care
• thrift stores
• a big, loving family
• the word of God, which is living and active
• finding my coat
• Christmas music on Friday, November 25th
• leftovers
• a warm bed 
• lunch with Hannah
• thoughts of summer plans
• hot apple cider

Thanksgiving is Not a Competition

...against anyone but yourself.

So, this year for Turkey Day, I have decided to write up a game plan to help you reach your maximum feasting potential. Now, don't be alarmed or overwhelmed, for this is probably the same order of events you follow every year. You just haven't recognized them. So, in order to help you better organize your giving of thanks, you are welcome to follow the process which I like to call...

Thanksgiving in Seven Rounds

Round One: The Pre-Meal. During this round one snacks on olives, carrots, and cheese slices from the relish tray, and may also grab a bite of dessert such as the corner brownie piece, just to help the time pass and ease the anticipation of the meal to come.

Round Two: Classic Feast. During this round, a prayer is said and one fills his plate with all of the traditional Thanksgiving foods. Turkey, mashed potatoes, a vegetable, and a roll are typically consumed during this round.

Round Three: The Return Trip. During this round, the feaster returns to the kitchen and samples a variety of unfamiliar dishes and casseroles that didn't make the cut for round two due to their first-year presence or lack of association with typical Thanksgiving food.

Round Four: One Pile of One Food. As one ventures into the latter half of this event, the likes and dislikes have been well established. Usually, the fourth round consists of one plate being filled with one single dish -- the favorite of the day (usually discovered in round three).

Round Five: First Dessert. After a short break from the fork-to-mouth motion -- usually filled with food-related discussion and a drink refill -- one of the favorite rounds begins. During this round, the eater excitedly serves himself a portion of the delightful dessert he's been eyeing all day. Classics such as pumpkin pie, apple cobbler, and turtle brownies are common in this round, often topped with whipped cream.

Round Six: Second Dessert. First dessert is shortly followed by round six, the loading of the sample plate. During this round, the now sluggish meal-attendee returns to the dessert table to gather a sample of many of the other sweet treats. Less classic desserts, such as cheesecake, other pies, and fluffs are enjoyed during this round. (Note: A cup of coffee is typically offered between rounds five and six, for the full dessert experience.)

Round Seven: Pickins'. At last, the final round. Everyone is full and at least an hour has passed since the culmination of round six. During this round, clean-up begins as feasters roam in and out of the kitchen, grabbing a piece of turkey or a handful of olives before they get put away and the whole experience comes to an end. Once the Saran Wrap goes on, the finish line has been met, and one can only now rest and anticipate next year's glorious Thanksgiving Feast.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving,
and you're welcome.

Things I Learned While Barefoot

They say college changes people.
Naturally, I have to agree.
It's changing me.
And I think that's okay.
Afterall, what's the point of all this
if you're not going to let it change you?
My only hope is that in the end
I find myself having been changed for the better,
The way better.

Last week, I didn't wear shoes. I just...didn't wear them. Not outside. Not inside. Not on the bus or in the bathroom or in class or through the parking lot. Six days; bare feet. What an experience!

Oh, you want to know why I did that? It's quite simple really. But also, it's a little complex. So I will give you the simple answer first. I didn't wear shoes because I wanted to see if I could do it.

Now, the long answer. There was an organization that came to my school a few weeks ago called Soles4Souls. They were collecting shoes to distribute to people in need around the world. I thought it was a really cool concept, and I would have given them some money, had I had my wallet on me. But, alas, I did not. And what they really wanted were my shoes. So, I thought about giving them some of my shoes for about....three seconds. Then I decided that I love my shoes. I've spent my whole life collecting shoes. I don't wear brand name clothing or buy new clothes that aren't a bargain, but I invest in my shoes. I save up for them and get the good ones. I don't wear super cool ones, like Nikes or Adidas or anything. I wear those "almost cool enough to be cool, but not quite" hipster sort of styles -- like Converse and Toms. And man, I love my shoes. I ask for shoes every Christmas. I ask for them when it's not Christmas. I spend my extra dollars on a new color of the same shoes that I already have. I've got quite a collection going, really. "But they're mine", I told myself when asked to donate a pair. "I already give to charities in plenty of different ways. Plus, the Toms that I'm wearing right now gave a pair to a child in need, so there!" And I walked away from the Soles4Souls stand.

That, of course, is not the end of my story. That was only the beginning. For the next few weeks, I could not stop feeling guilty about not giving them a pair of my shoes. I tried to justify it..."The shoes I have here at school are the ones I wear a lot. If I could have ran home and got some of my less-worn ones, I totally would have. But they would have been gone by the time I got back." And so on and so forth.
But really, it kind of hit me pretty hard over the next few weeks that I am super materialistic about my shoes. And I try to justify it by not being as materialistic about other things in life. But, unfortunately, that's not actually what God calls us to do. He doesn't say, "Give some things to me, and keep some things for yourself." No, my friend. He wants it all. Thus begins the process of true sacrifice.

God does not want our leftovers. He doesn't want the old shoes thrown in the back of our closet that have an inch of dust on them. Is that really all we're willing to offer the King of Kings? -- Dusty old crud-shoes? God wants the good stuff. The stuff that means something to us. God deserves the good stuff.

So I kind of just decided one Monday that I was going to stop wearing shoes. I didn't give myself a time goal or strict rules or anything. I just...took my shoes off, and didn't put them back on. And then I did it the next day. And then it became what I was doing. And I realized that it was totally God. He wanted to show me how much I really didn't need shoes. Like, not only did I not need 40 pairs of shoes...I didn't need any shoes. I just need Him. That's all. He's all I need.

Those who use the things of the world should not become attached to them. For this world as we know it will soon pass away. 1 Corinthians 7:31

Also, I have this: I went to Ethiopia over the summer, where most people did not have shoes. And, guess what? They were okay. Yeah, they were alright. Of course, they were very grateful if they did receive a pair of shoes. But, they weren't just sitting there in their barefootedness, being poor and not living, as we might picture them here in America. They were totally alive. More alive then a lot of us here are, I think. They were fine, friend. They were fine without shoes. They weren't tiptoeing over paths or watching each step for something that might be icky. They were okay without them. So why couldn't I be? That was the challenge. That was the idea. One week; bare feet.

It started as a simple personal challenge. It transformed into a social experiment, a spiritual awakening, a life lesson, and so forth. Here are some of the things I learned while barefoot:

• The ground is not as scary as we're made to think it is. I mean, really, I was fine. I didn't step on any glass. A nail didn't go through my foot. I have yet to develop any deadly foot diseases. Yeah, it wasn't completely pain-free. There was some gravel here and there that I wasn't too fond of. But really, it was all quite trivial compared to greatness of the experience itself.
• We live in a machine. Let me explain what I mean by that. You see, people in this society expect everything to always be the same forever. Change is foreign to us. Abnormality is difficult to grasp. Perhaps this is especially true of the college generation. We've all been on this earth between 18 and 25 years. We eat, sleep, and go to class. We wear jeans and a hoodie and eat two and a half meals a day with a cup of coffee in between. We carry a backpack, listen to our iPods, and check our email on our phones. Over. and over. and over. and over. and nothing. ever. changes. Until I took my shoes off, apparently. One person on a campus of 13,000 students takes her shoes off...and people flip out. It really surprised me how much of a reaction I got. It usually went something like this, "Girl, where's your shoes!" ...I'm not wearing any. "Oh my, you're crazy! Why you ain't wearing no shoes?" ....Because I'm really attached to my shoes and I want to show myself that I don't need them. "No way, girl. You gotta put some shoes on. You're gonna get some sort of foot disease! Aren't you cold? What are you gonna do in the winter? You can't just not wear shoes! You don't wear shoes on the bus? That's nasty! You're crazy." It was pretty interesting, actually, how many people straight up told me I COULD NOT just not wear shoes. As if they were the shoe police and had some sort of authority over me and my barefootedness. One guy stood in the elavator staring at me as he said, "You're not about to get on this elevator with no shoes on." Actually...I was. And I did. And I was fine. I didn't even die or anything. One of my friends told me in a most serious manner, "You can't just not wear shoes. You have to put some shoes on." Actually, I can. And I don't have to. I can actually do whatever I want to do. There are no rules on this campus about wearing shoes. Nobody has to wear shoes. My favorite comment was this: "Girl, you ain't wearing shoes at all? Don't you know this is MACOMB?!" And the thing is, it wasn't just a handful of people who freaked out on me like that. It was most people. The people who didn't freak out either just stared at me, not saying anything, or heard my purpose and contemplated it, saying, "Oh, that's really cool."  I watched people scan me all day everyday. I never noticed before how much we do this to people. We walk past someone and visually scan them, checking to see if they are normal. It goes something like this: "Female. Normal face. Normal hair. Glasses. Hoodie. Green bag. Jeans. ...Whoa. Wait. What? No shoes? Barefoot? (glances back at face to make sure face is actually normal, since barefeet often implies insanity) (stares at feet -- considers saying something) Hey, why don't you have shoes on? ....And then the conversation. It happened over and over and over and over. It was crazy. I probably answered that question over a hundred times over the past week. It was exciting.
• It's really liberating to break free from the machine. Oh man, I loved it. I felt like I was living or something wild like that. I felt like I was making a point. Proving something. Expressing myself. Being different. Being myself. Not conforming. Being independent. Being influential. Being radical. Those are nice feelings. It makes me look at the machine and become disgusted by it. I don't want to be a part of the machine, guys. I want to be alive. I want to be radical. I would encourage you to do something radical sometime. It feels really nice. It just might change your life.

• My feet are cleaner than your shoes. At first I felt bad about walking inside with my almost black feet. I felt bad about walking in classroom and on peoples' carpet, etc. And then I realized that my feet are cleaner than your shoes. Think about it. My feet accumate dust and dirt throughout the day. Then they get washed every night, and they are clean for the next day. They never have more than one day's worth of dirt on them. Your shoes, on the other hand, I'd be willing to bet don't get washed every night. In fact, have you ever washed the bottoms of your shoes? How many days/months/years worth of crap do they have on them? Yeah, see my point? My feet = way cleaner.
• Foot washing in Bible-times was pretty legit stuff. I guess I've never really put much thought into it. People washed other peoples' feet as a form of humility. Kay, cool, check. But it never really meant much to me. In Bible school and such when we would do a Bible-lesson foot washing example, it always felt kind of weird to me. Like...take off your shoes and socks so that I can put this wet washcloth on your already clean feet. Now I'm humble. Huh? Well, I think I found the missing piece to that puzzle of suday school foot washing. In the Bible, their feet were dirty. I mean, I guess I knew that. But when I was barefoot, I felt it. My feet turned black. They were grimy. And I was mostly walking on concrete and tile. Imagine Jesus. I bet he walked mainly on dirt and dirt. I bet his feet were waaaay dirtier that mine. And I bet he didn't get to shower every night either. If someone would have come to me in the middle of the day when my feet were feeling particularly nasty and knelt down and washed my them, I would have been in awe. What an act of love and care. It's like saying, "I'm getting down in the dirt and grime for you, because you are worth it." That's sweet, my friend. That's humility.
• I don't need shoes. Because I went a week and I didn't even miss them. In fact, I liked not having them. It was great. Think about all of that money and time and thought I've put into shoes in my life. Think about how much I could spend on them over the rest of my life. But, I don't need shoes. They are not a necessity of life. Now, I'm not gonna go all barefoot for life on you. I understand the practicality of wearing shoes, and I will probably wear them most of the time. But sometimes, I will not. And those will be lovely days.

So that was that. I did it. I went a week without shoes. I didn't die. I didn't even bleed. I didn't get in trouble. I was just fine. I didn't need them. What a lovely week. What a great life lesson, right?

But wouldn't it all be kind of silly if I just ended it right there? Because, afterall, what's the point of all this if you're not going to let it change you?

So I got rid of my shoes.

Not all of them, but most of them. Twenty-four pairs of them to be exact.

 

They went to a thrift store owned by a local church.

 Not that any of this is my own righteousness.
 Anything good you see in me is because of Jesus Christ.

So, dear reader, if you would, do something radical soon. Take your shoes off. Let yourself be moved. Be the difference. Because the way I see it is...What's the point of all this if you're not going to let it change you?

"Don't collect for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But collect for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves don't break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-20

As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. "Good teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?" "Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good--except God alone. You know the commandments: 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.' " "Teacher," he declared, "all these I have kept since I was a boy." Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth. Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!" The disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said again, "Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.
Mark 10:17-25

New Life

I got this sweet little guy about a month ago. I felt that my dorm just needed a little more life. And, despite the curse my family has of killing plants, he is still alive and thriving! It's been really lovely, actually -- watering it everyday, opening the shade to give it sun, watching it grow. It's growing like crazy! This guy was a lot smaller just a month ago. There are new leaves forming everyday. They start out in this really tight little spiral sort of thing, then they slowly grow bigger and open up. It's pretty awesome. I feel like I'm contributing to something important -- some sort of living thing is depending on me for the neccesities of life. I love life. And growth. My beautiful little plant is becoming new again everyday. New leaves grow. Old leaves grow taller. It is visibly changing.
Yes. Everyday, we shall be renewed.

Childlike Faith

I witnessed the following happenstance this week:

A line of preschool children numbering twenty or so.
Three adults: one in front, one in the middle, one in back.
One rope.

Each child held onto the rope with one hand as their leader navigated them through the busy
college campus and across the street.
The rope kept them all together.
The adult at the front kept them on track.

So I stared at this cute situation for a moment, smiling.
It was quite adorable.
I considered simply appreciating its cuteness and going about my day.
But, I could not.
For there was more to what I was looking at than a cute line of children holding onto a rope.

You see, those children represent you and me.
And that leader...is God, our perfect leader.

The thing about the children is that they had no idea where they were going.
A lot of them probably couldn't even see the leader in the front or which direction she was turning.
But they held onto that rope.
And where the leader went, they followed.
It was as simple as that.

If only we made it that simple in our own lives.
Follow where God leads.
That simple.

I didn't see any of the three year olds step out of line saying,
"Now wait a minute, are you sure this is the way we are supposed to be going? I really think that way would be a better choice for all of us."

None of them shouted up to leader,
"Turn left up here! I know what I'm doing! In fact, I probably have a better grasp of this route than you do."

And still, none of the children let go of the rope and went off on their own path, seeing what they could accomplish on their own.

You see, those chidren knew where they needed to be. They needed to stay as close to their leader as possible. They needed to hold onto that rope and go where the leader went. They knew her way was the safest way. They knew that if they wandered from their leader, they could be hurt or lost or killed. They were very aware of the crazy, dangerous things in the world around them that they simply did not have the ability to handle on their own. They trusted that she wasn't going to lead them into anything they wouldn't be able to cross. They had faith that their leader knew exactly where she was going and precisely the path they were going to take.

Now, I doubt they asked her for the road map ahead of time. I don't think they sat at leader's feet and begged her to tell them exactly which roads they were going to cross. It's quite possible they weren't even aware of their destination.
All that mattered was that they were holding onto that rope.
And they knew that at the front of that rope was a leader who was going to take them where they needed to be.
They didn't question it. They didn't take thier own paths. They didn't beg for the directions the entire time.
In fact, they were all quite content hopping along on a beautiful autumn day, enjoying each other's company and loving to see all of the birds and falling leaves and passing students. They were just enjoying life, following the one who knew the way.

And the craziest part was, when one child tripped and fell down, being left behind, the entire line stopped and helped her up to her feet again. They then began skipping along in their line together. I think that's what the Body of Christ is all about. We don't leave anyone behind.
None of those children said, "Oh, you tripped and fell. Good luck getting up and finding us again. You're probably too far gone now for us to help you up anyway."
That would be absurd!

I could go through and explain all of these analogies. But, my guess is that you get it. My guess is that you've gotten it all along.

 "Some people were bringing little children to Him so He might touch them, but His disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw it, He was indignant and said to them, "Let the little children come to Me. Don't stop them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I assure you: Whoever does not welcome the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." After taking them in His arms, He laid His hands on them and blessed them.
Mark 10:13-16

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1

Not a blogger's best friend

College, that is.
College is not a blogger's best friend.

Because, you know, I'm already writing papers about play analysis and Freud and cleft lips. And then I'm reading plays and textbooks and textbooks and textbooks. And taking notes and attending lectures and having group discussions and studying. And memorizing lines and researching French playwrights and taking surveys and doing my own laundry.

And when I'm not doing that, I'm making friends and going to church and getting coffee and figuring out what the heck evangelism means. And using a swiffer duster and going to the grocery store and checking my mail and taking a nap and washing my hair and practicing yoga and attending weekend retreats and contemplating going to the gym and walking everywhere and making copies and checking out books and buying soap and folding the clothes I just washed and avoiding learning how to play yugioh.

Ergo...
Blogging is like...
Number 39 on the priorities list.

But, Alas! Be of good cheer, for I just finished number 38 (take Geography exam).
Stay tuned for some yummy blogging goodness this weekend.
We've got a lot of catching up to do, dear faithful reader!

Sometimes, I just want Africa.

because africa was just so straightforward

i knew what i was there for. God sent me. He used me.

i went. i helped feed hungry kids. i held orphaned babies. i passed out candy and stickers and taught bible stories.

 i was making an impact. i was loving. and praying.

it was just straight up

Christ.

it's all so confusing and complicated here.

with me and God and school and people and friends and wanting a husband
and moving out and finding church and sifting through psychology lectures

and searching for discernment and tolerating vulgarity and questioning what tolerance really is and how much of it i'm really supposed to have

and trying to love

and give

and be the change

and show people Christ

and stay close to Christ

and find my mission field and my purpose

sometimes....like right now........i just. want. africa.

where it rains everyday. and the children chase you down each street.

it might not make any sense since you've not been there.

but i left a piece of my heart in africa.

After spending fifteen days in the poverty-stricken country of Ethiopia, something feels incredibly appropriate about the thought of living in one small room for the next four years of my life.
God is clever like that.

Culture Shock

They told me to prepare to deal with some culture shock when I entered Africa. And naturally, the culture was rather overwhelming at first. Streets lined with hungry children and devastated mothers cried out to my heart. Unsanitary water, no plumbing, no front doors, dirt floors and tin roofs. Slaughtered goat heads scattered the street corners: "what do your dogs eat?" they continually asked us when we cringed at the sight of them. Being the only white people in a city of several hundred thousand caused quite a stir. Wanting so badly to understand what the little boy was trying to tell me, and finally accepting that I didn't recognize any of those Amharic words -- so I smile and I nod, defeated by the language barrier. Finding no salt or pepper at meal time, but only a jar of chili powder -- the Ethiopian staple. One loaf of bread costs one Ethiopian Birr. Conversion -- 5.8 cents.

It was a totally different culture. And it was, indeed, shocking.
But the thing is, I expected it.
I expected the poverty and the language barrier and the different food.
So, after a few days, I was naturally able to accept it and become quite content with my new little world in Africa.

In Ethiopia, I experienced a bit of culture shock.
But there was another country where it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Upon re-entering America on August 9th, 2011, nothing made sense to me.
Why is this airport so cold?
Where are these people in such a hurry to be?
Why are they so rude?
Why is everything so expensive?

With each new place I went, building I entered, or city I drove through, new questions, emotions, and heaviness fell upon my heart.

"Here is $200 for allowing us to park our car here in Chicago for two weeks."
Two-hundred dollars...
That's 3,400 Ethiopian Birr
That could buy someone a horse to make a living,
Pay for two year's worth of rent,
Send 17 kids to school.

"This air is so clean. So fresh. It's incredible."

Stop at rest stop. Wash hands five times. Smell them.
They smell clean.
They haven't smelled clean in two weeks.
Dry them with air that blows right out of the wall.
What kind of insane contraption is this?

"Why are these streets so bare?
Where are all the children?
Why aren't they playing soccer?"

When I actually arrived at home sweet home,
I opened our solid wood door,
entered the cool, air-conditioned space,
walked across the soft, carpeted floor,
and collapsed onto the ever-comforting sofa.

It was then that I looked up,
soaked in my surroundings,
and with tears streaming down my cheeks
uttered to my mom,

"We live in a mansion."

It took me a few days to be able to shower without crying through it.
The clean, warm water fell over me with the perfect amount of pressure to wash off the exfoliating mango body soap with moisturizing beads, and every child's face flashed through my head, as I realized that they would probably never experience what I was doing right then.

A clean shower.
A comfortable home.
Fresh air.
Soap.
Transportation.

May I never take a single thing for granted again.
May this culture shock never quite wear off.
For I -- a middle class American -- am rich.
Filthy rich.
And chances are, you are too.

"Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”  Matthew 19:24

God help us.

Fraol

Pronounced: Fra-wool
Age:11
Grade:2

What could I possibly say that would be able to fully express the story of this sweet blessing of a child? Do know that this blog post will not do his circumstances justice. This is only a mere attempt to bring a glimpse of Ethiopia to America. May your heart be moved.

Froal lives in a small little shack with his young, beautiful mother. He is an only child. When I say "small little shack," I mean what I say. This was the smallest home I had seen in all of Ethiopia. I would say his entire home is the size of my bathrooom. Now, I acknowledge that you may have never been in my bathroom. But, it can be assumed that it is normal bathroom size. One shower, one sink, one toilet. Nothing extra. Nothing excessive. So, we're talking about a small place. If you sat on the floor up against one wall and I sat on the floor up against the opposite wall, our knees would touch. Froal's mother owns a bed and a small stand.

When Froal was three years old, his father died, serving as a police officer. Froal's mother did not find out until it was too late that her husband was HIV positive. Consequently, Froal and his mother are both now living HIV positive as well. While there is medicine available for this disease, it comes with some conditions. Due to the severe side affects of the medication, Froal's mother chooses not to take it. The treatment works similarly to chemotherapy, in that it makes you sicker before it makes you better. Froal's mother feels it is her job to raise and take care of her son, and she can not afford to be sick. Froal does take medicine for his HIV, but it is necessary that he take it daily with milk. Milk can often be very expensive, and it is hard for Froal's mother to keep up on it. His mother works part time in the fall at a seasonal shop. But, for the summer, she is unemployed.

The home Froal and his mother were living in during our visit was provided for them by the Ethiopian government. It was a benefit of his father being employed as a police officer. But, as we were talking with the family, his mother shared with us that since her husband had been gone for 10 years now, the government was deciding to take their home away. They anticipated that they would lose their house within the next week, having nowhere else to go and no family to live with. Their situation was severe and uncertain.

There's one more thing about Froal. He doesn't know that he is HIV positive. When talking with him, his social worker refered to him as "a patient." His mother has chosen not to tell him about his illness yet. He knows that he takes medicine every morning and that sometimes he feels sick. But, he does not know the reason for either of these things. Froal's mother keeps his illness from him because she wants him to be able to live a normal life for as long as possible. Often, when a child knows he or she is infected with HIV, he/she becomes embarrased, ashamed, and anti-social. The child may withdraw from his friends and become as secluded as possible. Froal mother did not want this for her precious son. So, at this point, he is still unaware.

This family was a joy to spend time with. In their little house they made us spiced tea from wild herbs and served us the little bread they had. Froal blew bubbles out the door to the neighbor kids who stuck their little heads in, curiously. When we gave him a letter from a child in American who had written to a child in Ethiopia, he was thrilled. As soon as the letter was translated, he found some paper so he could write a letter back. He was filled with questions and curiousity about the boy in America who had written to HIM. He wanted to know everything about him. What is his favorite color? What is his favorite game, favorite subject in school? What does he want to be when he grows up? Fraol wants to be a doctor so he can help people in Ethiopia who are sick. This tends to be a common aspiration among the Ethiopian children.
Before we departed, we prayed, as was a common part of our home visits. We prayed for the health of both Fraol and his mother. We prayed for their finances, living environment, and food. And in faith, we know that God will provide. As I left Fraol's home, I hugged him and his mother, knowing that the experience I just had would forever change me.

Walking down the poverty-stricken Ethiopian streets moments later, tears welled up in my eyes for the first time since I had entered the country. In that moment, it was becoming so real. Fraol's mother probably won't live more than a few more years. They don't have anywhere to live. They pray to God to give them food for the next day. That was a rough one. Yes, that one indeed....was rough.

With some of the donated money we received for our trip, we were able to provide one year's worth of milk for Fraol, and three months worth of rent for a new home until his mother can continue her employment in the fall. We thank God for the opporunity to bless this family. If you are interested in sponsoring Fraol or any of the other children in the BCI program, you can contact me for more information, or visit http://www.blessingthechildren.org/

God bless you.

Natnael

Pronounced: not-nay-el

Age: 5

Nickname: Nati

My family and I are huge supporters of Compassion International, a child sponsorship program that helps provide basic needs for impoverished children all over the world. Being blessing with some extra money this year, I decided I wanted to sponsor a child. So, over the summer, at Cornerstone Festival, I began looking through the Compassion child packets, seeing if any of them caught my eye. I didn't really come across the age/gender child I was looking for, so I chose to wait and sponsor a child through Compassion online. But quickly, my summer turned into an insane mess of busyness, and I found no time at all to sit down and make such a serious commitment. Then, I found myself in Africa. This, of course, was God's perfect plan working itself out the entire time.

God had a child for me in Ethiopia. God had a perfect plan for me to meet, fall in love with, and choose to sponsor this specific child. So here is his story:

Nati was born in Addis Ababa, the capital of Ethiopia. When he was four years old, both of his parents died, leaving him orphaned. Friends or servants of the family took Nati and put him on a bus, sending him an hour away to Debre Zeit, the city we were staying in. Apparently somewhere in this city of thousands of people, Nati's uncle lived. His uncle had no word of him coming and Nati had no idea how to find him. When Blessing the Children (BCI) found Nati, he was on the streets crying and starving. It is estimated that he had been in Debre Zeit 20 days before he was found. Upon finding him, BCI took Nati to a medical clinic to have him looked at. This is when it was discovered that Nati has a heart condition. "Heart condition." That is simply all anyone knows. There is no money available to take Nati to the hospital in Addis Ababa to have something diagnosed. When I saw Nati, it was very clear that he was ill.

Nati now lives in a small, one-room home with his uncle, aunt, and baby cousin in Debre Zeit. They have a dirt floor and one bed for the four of them. They also have a bench. When I first met Nati, he was sitting on the bench in his house, kicking his feet back and forth, stuffing some sort of food into his mouth. He looked hungry. Also, upon arrival, it became clear that there was something wrong with Nati's uncle. His eyes were crossed and he didn't seem to be fully present. Our social worker eventually told us that Nati's uncle has a "mind like a child." In America, we would call that mentally handicapped.

Nati was very quiet at first, just staring at us...strange white people handing him candy and speaking in a foreign language. Eventually, though, he opened up and started giggling and smiling. Then, my sister, Lindsey, asked him to come sit on her lap. It was then that I knew this boy would be mine. As he got up to walk over to my sister, putting one foot in front of the other, he almost fell down, losing his balance. He shuffled and limped the rest of the way over. Nati can barely walk.

I asked Tigist, his social worker, what was wrong. She said it was part of his heart problem. She had Nati come to her and take off his shirt. I then saw something that may be very serious. His chest is deformed. Part of it bulges out, while another part sinks in. It is as if part of his heart is much closer to the outside of his body than it should be. It is something that, in America, we would not go one day without heading straight to a hospital to get some care. It is something that Nati has lived with his entire life. It is something that no one really knows the severity of.

Nati can't run at all. He tries, but it turns into something like a limp/gallop/trip. He knows he doesn't fit in and can't keep up with the other kids. As a result, he isolates himself, playing alone, eating alone, sitting alone. He knows he is different. He knows that putting himself with other children will only hurt him.

And the last thing about Nati; perhaps the most heartbreaking of all: Nati's aunt and uncle don't agree about keeping and caring for him. His uncle, his blood relative, cares for Nati to the best of his ability. His aunt doesn't feel the same. She feels the burden of Nati's health. Tigist told us that Nati's aunt and uncle constantly argue and disagree about keeping and caring for him. They do this in front of Nati. It is just a terribly heartbreaking part of this little boy's life.

So there he is. My sponsor child. As soon as I returned home I got online and set up my sponsorship through BCI. With my support, Nati will be fed, sheltered, clothed, and educated. He will also be actively involved in his local church and be able to attend school for free.

                           His name is Natnael. And he is mine.

It costs $30 a month to individually sponsor a child. A full child sponsorship is $90 a month. That way, each child has the possibilty of having up to three sponsors. These sponsors receive letters and pictures from their child and have the opporunity to send letters, picturres, and care packages. Hopefully, through my relationship with Nati, he will be able to receive better medical care and an overall better life. And most of all, he will connected with people who are eager to share the love of Jesus Christ with him. I can't wait to get to know this little boy!

Nati still needs two more sponsors in order to be fully supported. This would provide him with even more healthcare, food, etc. I witnessed firsthand that a little money goes a long way in Ethiopia, as the exchange rate is 17 Ethiopian Birr to 1 US Dollar.

If you are interested in sponsoring Nati or any of the other children in the BCI program with similar, different, and equally heartbreaking stories, please get in touch with me. I would love to talk to you and give you more information. Or, you can visit http://www.blessingthechildren.org/ for more information.
If you would like to sponsor a child through our loving partners at Compassion, visit http://www.compassion.com/


 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.  Matthew 25:34-40

Fekerite

Pronounced: Fa-keer-ta
Age: 16
Grade: 3

For me, Fekerite's story begins two years ago, when I decided to take sign language as my homeschool elective. I didn't know anyone who was deaf or even knew sign language. I was just tired of trying to learn spanish and thought sign language could be a fun alternative. So I taught myself for the last two years of high school. I really grew to love it and started learning more in my free time. Signing became something I had a passion for. But still, I had never signed with another person, besides my mother who was trying to learn with me. I just knew that there was a reason I was learning it and that God was going to use it in my life somehow at some time. Until then, I was patiently submitting to learning as much as I could.

Now, skip ahead to my trip to Ethiopia.

Upon arrival, I was telling Danielle, a member of our team, about my signing and about how I had never met a deaf person. With interest, she mentioned that there was a deaf girl in the BCI orphanage. (BCI is the organization we were working with in Ethiopia) I immediately got excited, and then Danielle said, "But I doubt she knows sign language, and even if she did, it wouldn't be American Sign Language like you know."
I then asked a BCI social worker about her, who agreed that the chances she knew American Sign Language were very slim.

With small hopes, I visited the orphanage the following day and found this "deaf girl."
She seemed to be on her own, a lonely, quiet type, keeping to herself.
I walked up to her, formed my hands into the correct shapes, and made the sign for "name."
She looked at my eyes, smiled, and made the sign for "Fekerite."

And my heart filled with joy.

So Fekerite and I sat down that day and talked and talked. She told me how she enjoyed school and church and her younger brother, Teddy, was in the orphanage as well. She told me none of her friends at the orphanage knew sign language. Not even her brother or the adults knew it. No one knew it. She told me about how she sits and watches the kids talk and play and have fun, and she can't follow any of it, so she just stares in boredom and frustration. She told me how glad she was that I had come and talked to her.

I told her she was the first deaf person I had ever signed with.
She thought that was pretty cool.
I thought God was pretty cool.

So I spent a lot of my time in Africa getting to know this girl, connecting with her, and loving on her. But that's not even the best part. That's not even the point. The point is this:

That's a picture of my new friend and I talking. But do you see the rest of the picture? See all those kids sitting around the table staring at us? Those are orphans; the kids who live with Fekerite. They're staring at us as if they've never seen anyone speak in sign language before. Well, I quickly realizes that they never had seen anyone speak in sign language before! There is no deaf culture or deaf awareness in Ethiopia. There is no education on the deaf society. Fekerite was probably the only deaf person they had ever met, just like me. So these beautiful children had no idea that the motions Fekerite had been making with her hands her whole life actually made up a language. They didn't know it was actually a way of communicating, until they saw someone else come in and do it too. And they were enthralled.
The next day I went back to the orphanage to hang out with Fekerite. Now, do you see the girl in the far left of the picture, wearing the green shirt? Her name is Beza and she is 15 years old. When I walked into the orphanage the next day, Beza walked up to me and excitedly showed me the signs Fekerite had taught her the previous night. She was learning. She wanted to learn. I was so EXCITED.

And by the end of the week, I was talking to Fekerite about teaching more of the kids, and another girl had already started learning. I am going to send a sign language book to the orphanage so they can all learn together.

God is so good, my friend. And he shows up in totally unexpected ways. If for nothing else, THAT is why I learned sign language. And if for nothing else, THAT is why God sent me to Ethiopia; to introduce this beautiful language to lovely orphans who only needed to see in order to want to reach out to their silent sister.

The point wasn't that I got to spend two weeks using my sign language skills with a lonely, deaf girl in Africa. Although that was an incredible experience. The point was that Fekerite will soon be communicating and laughing and playing with the kids she's lived with for years.

Never take your eyes off of God.
Always follow his direction,
even when you don't understand it.
Never doubt his plan.

Because he has a plan.
Boy, does he have a plan.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

Wuha

Pronounced: woo-haw
Language: Amharic
Translation: Water
Defintion: a transparent, odorless, tasteless liquid; a compound of hydrogen and oxygen, H2O, freezing at  0°C and boiling at 100°C, that in a more or less impure state constitutes rain, oceans, lakes, rivers, etc.

I don't think I've ever thought more about water in my life than I did during those two weeks I spent in Ethiopia.
Clean water.
It seems like such a simple thing to us
One of those things that just comes along with life
Complementary clean water

I never even realized how much I loved water
Until I had to put forth effort to obtain it

I never realized how much water I use everyday
Or how quickly one can dehydrate
When water takes time, money, and effort
to become drinkable.

Rule #1 for missionaries in Africa:
Do not drink the water from the tap,
Either boil it for at least 15 minutes
or drink bottled water.

That means we have to check our water bottle supply everyday and make sure we're not running low. We have to make sure we don't empty the bottle if someone else in the house hasn't filled up their personal bottle yet. If we want oatmeal in the morning, we have to get up early and boil the water. If we want to cook pasta or rice at night (which is pretty much all we had to cook) we have to start dinner quite earlier than usual, to allow time to boil water. When we wash dishes after dinner, we have to boil more water so we aren't using bacteria-filled water to sanitize with. Don't accidentally use the faucet to brush your teeth; you could get very sick. Be sure to always keep bottled water stocked in the bathroom for that purpose. And try to stay on top of the disinfecting wipes/hand sanitizer supply if you actually want your hands to be clean after you wash them. Refill your water bottle (as long as there is enough water stocked in the house to do so) everyday before you leave the house, because there will be nowhere else to get drinkable water throughout the day. And after you shower, just put some deodorant on and let it be, because you may never quite be sure if you smell better or worse after a shower, due to the stench of the water.

And the crazy thing is, the Ethiopians feel more than blessed to have this water available to them. For there are places near them who do not have access to even that.

So, how was Africa?

Incredible
exciting
overwhelming
heart-breaking
devastating
encouraging
refreshing
exhausting
dirty
eye-opening
lovely
beautiful
life-changing
the hardest thing I've ever done
the most amazing thing I've ever done.

You all keep asking me this question, as if I can give you a couple of sentences and completely sum up everything I saw, felt, experienced, and learned. Don't worry, I'll answer you. It just might take a while. Keep an eye on my blog, I'll be posting Africa stories one by one. But while you're waiting for that, soak this up: Thank you. Thank you so much for getting me there. Whether you donated money or toys or clothes or prayer support or just gave me a hug or a word of encouragement, thank you. Because it was by God's grace, through all of your support that I was able to go to that incredible country. So thanks for that. Yeah...thanks.

We were made to be lovers

bold in broken places,

 pouring ourselves out

again and again

until we're called home.

Is Anyone Among You Suffering?

Well, you see, I was going to write you a beautiful little post about the wonderful power of prayer. I would tell you about how when you pray, you had better expect God to move. Because He will and He does! I would tell you about how I've been praying more lately, and I've been praying with faith. And I would tell you about how prayers are being answered, people are being healed, hearts are being restored, lives are being flipped around, and friendships are being formed. And I would even mention the small things -- like cars starting and bills being paid and cool breezes on hot days -- so that you would know that God cares about every detail of your life. But then I realized that I could go on and on about how super awesome and lovely and powerful prayer is...but I would still fall short of communicating my point to you. So, with that, I will just give you this:

Is anyone among you suffering? He should pray. Is anyone cheerful? He should sing praises. Is anyone among you sick? He should call for the elders of the church, and they should pray over him after anointing him with olive oil in the name of the Lord. The prayer of faith will save the sick person, and the Lord will raise him up; and if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The intense prayer of the righteous is very powerful.
James 5:13-16

Breathe that stuff in.

There is Power in the Name of Jesus

I spent the last seven incredible days of my life at a crazy little gathering called Cornerstone Festival. And, let me tell you, dear reader; it rocked my world.

I told my friend last week that I think Cornerstone is the closest place to Heaven I've ever been. Not that it actually has anywhere remotely close to the perfection and glory that Heaven will possess. But, what I mean by that statement is that Cornerstone is closer to...what it is supposed to be like. It is a little glimpse of glory. The unique people, embracing community, abounding love, judgement-free environment, and constant riduculously insane worship to God. That's what it's supposed to be like, man! THAT is what it is supposed to be like. That is how God made us to function. And, oh man, that little taste of glory was so intensely satisfying. You need to know about it.

God moved/spoke/provided/loved in the following ways at Cornerstone 2011:

• Anchor Stage -- Place where God dwells
• Worship every single day, and I never tired of it -- I think we need to worship more than we do
• Baptism times three
• Hippie Cindy -- a woman healed of many ailments by the glorious power of God
• Meeting a man who is walking across the country to minister to the homeless
• Meeting a man who is homeless
• Moshing for Jesus -- sweat, mud, and Flatfoot 56
• Losing my wallet; praying to find it; finding it with nothing taken from it
• Teenagers who are on fire for GOD
• Signing three people up to sponsor children; realizing those people were 15, 16, and 17 years old
• Jeremy John Smyth -- a Canadian gem
• Spending the whole week with my wonderful friend Erin; knowing her more, learning new things with her, growing in Christ together, loving
• Watching people worship in full abandonment, holding nothing back
• God is supernatural. Believe it. Never doubt.
• Tears just because God loves us so stinking much!
• Listening group -- three minutes of my story and three minutes of yours and we'll be friends forever
• Gungor -- worship as an art
• The lake -- God's gift to the over-heated
• Meeting many people who have been to or are working in Ethiopia! Asking them so many questions. Connecting.
• The Got Your Back Movement -- providing school uniforms to kids in need
• Praying for/with people...and then meeting them
• Kaitlyn and Ashleigh
• Not getting sunburnt
• The song "Jesus Paid it All" over and over and over
• Hardcore bands that talk about Jesus in between screaming
• Learning about God through sand castles that continuously fall when the water comes
• Talking to a Catholic Priest....actually seeing God in him. Knowing that he's legit about Jesus.
• Being challenged in new ways. Questioning things over and over. Seeking truth.
• The man in the merch tent who just wanted to talk to us, not sell us his stuff
• Not passing out
• Anthony makes me smile. God is good.
• Free ramen. A ministry, I think.
• Dancing my heart out for Jesus
• Three dollars saves three girls from sex-trafficking
• Sunday night. When I thought it was all over...and God had more in mind.

The intense prayer of the righteous is very powerful.
James 5:16

 And just so you can soak a little more of this goodness up, here are some quotes from various speakers, singers, friends, random hippies from the week, that I found worthy of being written in my little yellow notebook:

"None of us really care about what we smell like, we just love Jesus."

"And an Athiest came up to the front and said...I didn't really believe in God until right NOW."

"Physical healing is purely a window into the soul."

"There is power in the name of Jesus. So break every chain. Break every chain. Break every chain."

"Freely you have received -- freely give."

"I have a fat crush on Jesus and I love it when he talks about me when I'm not around!"

"Even those who reject the word of God reject it out of a place of  blindness."

"God does not need me to save anyone."

"You're going to find yourself standing up for people you can't stand to be around."

"Forgiveness is not giving someone a free pass for hurting you. Forgiveness is allowing God to be God."

"Most of the people that hurt us are actually the people that we love."

"Forgiveness = seeking justice"

"Humility is the path to intimacy with God."

"There is absolutely nothing you can do to turn His love away."

"Just let Him be Abba, Father, Daddy."

"What is this thing in our culture that when we try to love someone and they don't love us back, we think that is God telling us that we don't have to love them?"

"Don't get all hung up over all the theological bull crap in this society. Love. Participate in what God is doing."

...and hearts were restored that week.

Summer Adventures

I'm going to take a break from my usual deep/spiritual/emotional post and just give you an update on my life. Because a lot is happening at once these days, and you may start wondering if I dropped off the face of the earth here sometime soon. I assure you, I have not. But here's what's up:

Last week I went to Senior High camp at Faith Bible Camp. It rocked my socks. God moved like no other. Friendships were formed and relationships were strengthened. I dove into the book of Philippians and fell in love. I shared tears with a girl who lost her dad at the age of 8 from a drug overdose. I made friendship bracelets for some beautiful girls and was really encouraged by God's elements of surprise and perfect timing. He knows what He's doing. Camp was amazing.

Tomorrow begins the first day of Cornerstone week. My lovely friend Erin is coming to stay with me for the week and experience the fest for the first time. I'm really excited about this. I'm really excited about how powerful God has always been at Cornerstone. I'm ready to be stripped down and broken for God. I'm ready for mud pits and mosh pits and free ramen noodles. But most of all I'm ready for the Holy Spirit to MOVE. Be praying for the fest, friend.

I went to the doctor today to talk about a lot of Ethiopia stuff. I got a prescription for malaria and learned how to pop my ears so they don't explode on the airplane. I got 4 shots last week and almost passed out. I don't do well with needles. I have to get 2 more shots next week and I am not excited about it. Yellow fever and typhoid...which apparently can have some nasty side affects. I always get every side affect. So pray for that too.
As far as our trip goes...fundraising is going well. We still have a few hundred dollars left to reach our goal. But we are SO thankful that God has provided so much for us! He has been incredible and you guys have been incredible in supporting us. We are beginning to collect donations to take over there. Childrens clothes, multivitamins, stickers, small toys, toothbrushes/toothpaste, etc. We've had some stuff come in already and are praying that more will come. We would love to take an extra suitcase of donations...but this will cost another $200. If the money comes in, you know we will be doing that!

On July 9th we will be having a pillowcase dress making days with some of the ladies from my church. It should be a wonderful time and I can't wait to see the children's faces in Africa when they get a brand new dress! This will be an exciting time.

I could really go on with details on our Ethiopia trip for a long while. Perhaps I will try to make another post about that.

College. That is happening. I got registered for classes at WIU at the beginning of June. I'm pretty satisfied with my schedule. I met my roommate, too. Her name is Kate and she is an answer to prayer! She is such a blessing. God has definitely brought us together for His Glory. I can't wait to share my college years with this beautiful, Jesus-loving girl. God is so good.

God has provided for me abundantly financially for college. I am going to do my best to use it all for His glory. This is such a blessing. I am so thankful.

Due to my financial stability, I am going to be sponsoring a Compassion International child at Cornerstone this next week. We've sponsored a girl named Kiriti as a family for several years now. I am really excited about being able to do this on my own now! Be praying for me and for the child I sponsor. I will post information about him/her as soon as I can.

In mid-July I am going back out to Faith Bible Camp to counsel 3rd-5th graders. It's a pretty awesome experience. I love it a lot, really. Those kids keep me busy! And God is so wonderful in giving me the opporunity to teach them.

Lindsey and I leave on July 25th for Ethiopia. We will return on August 8th. And on August 20th I will be moving into my dorm on campus!

So....my summer is kind of crazy. And kind of amazing. I am loving every minute of it. God has given me soooo many opportunities to serve Him. He is so faithful and so holy. He is my joy and my righteousness.

Thanks for being a part of this beautiful life, dear friend.

Now if  I don't post for a couple of months...you will know why.
I'm doing that stuff^^.

Be a Firefly

I caught a firefly tonight.
First one of the summer.

The thing about fireflies is
they are actually around all day,
they just don't have any reason
to shine in the daylight.

When the darkness comes
they reveal their light,
and then it's impossible
to not notice them..

And the other thing about fireflies is,
the darker the world around them,
the brighter their lights shine.

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. --Matthew 5:14-16



Fear Not, My Love

We had a guest speaker at church this week. I don't remember his name or where he was from. But, I do remember that he had a really powerful message, and he was full of passion and the Holy Spirit. I know that he was legit about Jesus Christ.
I got up and shared about my trip to Ethiopia in front of the congregation on Sunday for a few minutes. I guess that's all that guest pastor knew of me. I didn't talk to him or tell him my life story. I didn't share with him how I was feeling about Africa and college and growing up. ...But I guess he figured it out anyway. I guess God must have filled him in. Because, he came up to me after the service and blessed me with this wonderful verse:

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
--Isaiah 41:10

And I guess I didn't recognize until right then....how scared I really was. Because when he started talking to me about not being afraid, my eyes began filling up with tears -- unexpected tears. So then I sat there and starting thinking about it. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized how scared I really am. And the more I realized how scared I was, the more that verse continued to bless me and fill me with peace. And the more I was filled with peace about my fears, the more I found myself in awe of the greatness of God.

Yeah, I am scared.
I'm scared of being fully surrendered and heading to a country halfway across the world with no idea what to expect. I'm afraid of a 14 hour plane ride. I fear being completely out of my element and not knowing how to reach the people there. I'm afraid I won't be able to handle the utter poverty that I'm going to face. I'm scared that my own pride is going to get in the way of my ability to share God's love. I'm afraid of not being able to make the impact that I'm supposed to make there. I fear that Africa will not meet all the hype -- that I will come home disappointed and exhausted.

I'm afraid of coming home and having my life completely flipped around, trying to figure out how to deal with what I've just experience in Africa...and then having to pack up right away and move away from home and start this college thing. I'm afraid I won't be the same person I am when I left, and at the same time I hope Africa changes me. I fear I'm trying to take on too many life altering things at one time. I'm afraid of college being ridiculously more than I can handle. I'm scared that the crazy college world will suck me in and corrupt me into someone who I am not. I'm scared of not being able to find that solid group of Christian friends that I am going to need for support. I'm scared of not knowing what to say when my psychology professor lectures on humanism and how there is no way to possibly know the meaning of this life. I'm afraid of wasting my time day after day...not doing enough for the Kingdom of God.

I feel like I'm probably going to have some sort of epic, super-spiritual breakthrough sometime soon. Sometime between intimate cabin devotions at camp, falling on my knees at cornerstone, and giving a poverty-stricken boy his first pair of new shoes...I feel that God is definitely going to take hold of me and teach me something ridiculously powerful. How could he not?

I talked to a man who spent some years in Africa. I told him about my trip. He told me this:
"Don't go to Africa and not expect to be changed."

So that scares me, and also is pretty exciting.

I guess the whole point of this post is that I didn't realize how scared I was until someone told me not to be scared. And then God worked in a pretty awesome way. Because He will strengthen me and help me and uphold me with His righteous right hand.

And when I meditated on that promise, the fears began to fade away.
God says, "Don't be afraid."
Don't be afraid of failure or illness or the days to come. Do not be afriad of life or death or any trial you may face. Because He is with me.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. --Romans 8:38-39

And as I start worrying about the trials ahead, the Lord comforts me in speaking these words:

 Consider it pure joy, my brothers,whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
--James chapter 1

Take that psychology professors, scary plane rides, and intimidating circumstances.

I have a crown waiting for me.

Cardinal Baby

This little guy has been hanging out in the bush by my porch for a couple of weeks now.
First, in gray spotted egg form.
And just 2 days ago, in mutant baby bird form.
Just give it some time, guys.
I think he'll look a lot cuter real soon.
I noticed today that he's starting to grow little tiny feathers!
Isn't life just so cool?

Life.

A woman came into the pregnancy center today
with three happy children
and glowing
because she was expecting another.

There are two baby cardinals
in a nest right by the porch
that were born just today.
Their fuzzy, squirming bodies
know only how to open thier mouths
to receive food from their mama,

Life is happening today.

It is beauty
and it is hope.

Foggy Days

This is my third post about Heather.

Maybe it seems like a lot.

I think I've discovered

that the easiest way for me to express what I'm feeling

is by writing.

So write I will.

I will write about her until

it has all been released.

I don't understand death or dying.

I've been through it a time or two, I guess.
But I didn't understand it then either.

I don't understand why sometimes
people die at the age of 103
from what we tend to call
"natural causes."
They just lived their life
to its fullest extent.

And sometimes people die at the age of 57
from the cancer that had been spreading
in their body for years.
It was just a ticking time bomb.

And sometimes people go to
sleep one night
at the sweet sweet age of 17,
and don't wake up the next morning.
And nobody.
ever.
understands.
why.

More than death,
I don't understand mourning.

I don't think I understand it
even a little bit.

Apparenty there are stages or something
to grief.
But I don't remember them.

Anger is one of them.
I suppose I feel that.

Denial...maybe...is another.
I suppose I dealt with that
at the very beginning.

There's acceptance.
Yeah, I don't know when that is
supposed to happen.

Is there like...
a time limit
to this mourning thing?

How long am I allowed to be sad for?

This is day three.
And it only feels like it's getting harder.

Is this one of those things that gets harder before it gets better?

I'm going to be celebrating my 18th birthday
in three days.
But today all I can think about
is how she'll never get to celebrate hers.

It would have been next tuesday.
Just for the record.
We were only five days apart in age.

Death...
She died.
She's actually gone.

Life still kind of seems like it's in a fog.
Just going through the motions,
while feeling nothing.

You know what the weirdest part
of mourning is?
The rest of the world goes on.

Yeah, they don't stop to mourn with you.
Soldiers are still fighting in Iraq.
Boyfriends are still breaking up
with their girlfriends.
Teenagers are still complaining
about not having anything to eat
in thier refrigerator full of food.
Children in Ethiopia
still don't have clean water.

The world is still turning.
And I'm not sure if that's
a good thing or a bad thing.

Because nothing else really
seems to matter in my life right now.
I wonder how long that will last.

Is this all just going to fade away
on its own?
Or am I going to have to work
on getting over it
and moving forward?

You see, the thing is....
I don't understand death or dying.
And more than that,
I don't understand mourning.

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

And so I cling to that.