Love and such

And so I grew up in a world of humans
Where they told me this lie
And like a fool, I believed it.

They tell it to everyone.
Everyone tells it to everyone else.
And it shapes and forms our lives
Into everything they say it is supposed to be.

So many different ways
They communicate this lie.

Sometimes, it goes something like this:
"If you're not in love, you're worthless."

Or this:
"Being in love is what we were created for.
You will never truly be alive until you are in love."

The thing about love is that I am really quite fond of it. It would seem unnatural to have a disliking for it.
I think love in its most raw form is the most beautiful, breath-taking gesture in existence.

But then there's this:
"If someone loves you and then stops loving you, you become worthless, powerless, and naked."

Love is great. Perhaps I love it.
But these lies we keep buying
...they are a load of crap.

Because when we believe that lie long enough
It begins to create a hole inside of us --
A hole that we do not allow to be filled
By anything but sappy, touchy-feely, passionate in-love-ness.

And then that hole starts growing
And the longer we go without being in love,
The less we feel like a worthy member of society.

The longer we go without being in love,
The bigger the hole grows,
The more fervently we search for love,
The crappier we feel about being single,
The lower our standard becomes for a mate,
The less secure we feel in ourselves,
...the bigger the hole grows.

"If you're not in love, you're as good as dead."
"If you're not in love, you had better be looking for love."
"If you're not in love, then why are you here?"

Hey.

HEY.

Don't buy that crap.

You are independent and beautiful.
You are loved and you have a purpose.
You are worthy all on your own.
So shine in your singleness.
Fill that hole with family and friends and
Sunny days and soft melodies.

"So maybe there's a war, inside of me and for me and maybe my heart is the opposite of small. Maybe it's the opposite of cheap and empty and alone. Maybe it's sacred and enormous and wild." (Jamie Tworkowski)

Be free.

...and so I grew up in a world of humans
where they told me this lie.

Don't be a fool.
Never believe it.

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. 
God is love.Whoever lives in love lives in God,
and God in them." --1 John 4:16

To Everyone Who's Hurting

You need to know that you are not alone.

Several years ago during that junior high/early high school stage of life I got really into this awesome new organization called To Write Love On Her Arms.(twloha) Their mission is to reach out to people struggling with depression, self-injury, addiction and suicide. I didn't really know of anyone who was dealing with those issues at the time. At least, I didn't think I did. But it was a pretty cool, God-loving organization that made rad t-shirts. So I went for it, bought the sweet merchandise and visited their booth at Cornerstone. Then, pretty quickly, it got hip. Random preppy people were wearing their t-shirts and stuff -- people who, I assumed, probably didn't even know what the organization stood for. So, being the nonconformist that I am, I instantly dropped my twloha following.

Not long after my abandonment of twloha, I found myself to be struggling with depression. Legit depression, man. It's weird...how that timing worked out. Because during my time of darkest depression, I kind of forgot that twloha was there for people like me. I kind of forgot that there were tons of other normal people out there who were struggling with the same things I was. I kind of convinced myself that besides my mom and sisters and stuff, I was alone in this whole thing. Like...I was abnormal. Flawed. Possibly crazy.

The thing about depression is that there is a stigma attached to it. There is something about it that makes us feel ashamed of our pain. There's something about it that makes us afraid to tell others what we are going through.

For a long time when I would go to camp, I would hide the little white pill labeled "Effexor" in my hand and then secretly slide it into my mouth, because I didn't want anyone to see me and ask what I was taking medicine for. I was so ashamed of my depression. I thought people would judge me for it and look at me completely differently once they realized that the bubbly, spunky MaryBeth they knew was depressed.

I want to tell you something, dear heart. You are not alone.
I want to introduce you to a whole world of people who understand what you are going through and want to help you through it.
I wish someone would have reminded me of To Write Love on Her Arms when I was spending my days in bed and my nights in tears.

Recently, I've reconnected with twloha. Just reading their vision statement gives me hope and lifts me up on those occasional crappy days.

Soak this in:
-121 million people worldwide suffer from depression. (World Health Organization)
 - 18 million of these cases are happening in the United States. (The National Institute of Mental Health)
 - Between 20% and 50% of children and teens struggling with depression have a family history of this struggle and the offspring of depressed parents are more than three times as likely to suffer from depression. (U.S. Surgeon General's Survey, 1999)
 - Depression often co-occurs with anxiety disorders and substance abuse, with 30 percent of teens with depression also developing a substance abuse problem. (NIMH)
 - 2/3 of those suffering from depression never seek treatment.
Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide, and suicide is the third leading cause of death among teenagers. (NIMH)


There is hope for you yet.
Whether you are dealing with thoughts of suicide or just get tired of those occasional crappy days, we are here for you. I am here for you. To Write Love On Her Arms is here for you.
You don't have to live like this.
You are not a mistake.
Depression is extremely treatable.

You need to know that your life matters.
You need to know that you are more loved than you can imagine.
You need to know that rescue is possible and freedom is within reach.
You need to know that this is not the end of your story.

You have a purpose.
You are here for a reason.
You were created for more than this.
Don't settle for a mediocre existence.
You can thrive.

Hey there, Sad Eyes.
Lift your head.
You are not alone.
You are not alone.

Wake up, oh sleeper,
Rise from the dead,
And Christ will shine on you.
--Ephesians 5:14

Dear Mommy,
You are the most amazing mommy ever.
I love you to the moon and back.
Legit.