new year
new fears
more fun
a ton
refreshing days
i fix my gaze
on new horizons
sun up...sun down
graduation gown
far from home
on my own
just a phone call away
it's okay. you don't have to stay
new friends
discover
who i am
find a lover
kiss a boy
maybe two
follow God
try something new
attend a catholic service
for curiosity's sake
shake a stranger's hand
birds sing me awake
take up flossing
and maybe yoga too
expect the unexpected
spend the day at a zoo
have more fun than i've ever had before
meet new folks
learn more jokes
acquire a taste for coffee
win a bet
wear a dress
to mcdonalds
be a model
cast a vote
citizen's right
read the bible
fly a kite
pray without ceasing
figure out what that means
develop a worldview
change my mind on a few things
be yourself
don't change for anyone else
don't make resolutions
care less about pollution
just make subtle changes
or drastic, if you please
new years are funny things
begin this one on my knees
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Ode to a Friend
She came into my life like a rainstorm comes on a hot summer day
Surprising, refreshing, and in the most lovely sort of fashion
The kind that just makes you want to stop and laugh because it's so amazing and so perfect
She skips and giggles and has a singing voice that will blow you away
A lover of the most beautiful sorts of music
Danced in my living room last night like a black woman dances to R&B
Tries to 'bring out the red in her hair' while I just say
Heck with it, and dye mine bright auburn
Paints of ambition and opportunities to be grasped
Looks like a knock-out in her new plaid coat
Talks about real things, because that's what matters, right?
Gasps and apologizes when she swears.
I think it's cute.
Reads books just because I tell her to
Hugs me even when I'm dripping with toxic hair dye
Takes a chance with the un-named box of chocolates
Enjoys coffee, and keeps forgetting that I don't
Has the cutest boyfriend I ever did see
We're gonna go church hopping
And take pictures in the winter awesomeness
Not sure how it all happened like this
But I like it
It makes me smile in the morning
And sing in the afternoon
It's as if God was like...here MaryBeth...here's a reason to be happy
Because lovely people do exist
And here's one for you
"Maybe it's a twofer. Maybe you needed a friend and I needed God."
Maybe so, dearest
Maybe so
Surprising, refreshing, and in the most lovely sort of fashion
The kind that just makes you want to stop and laugh because it's so amazing and so perfect
She skips and giggles and has a singing voice that will blow you away
A lover of the most beautiful sorts of music
Danced in my living room last night like a black woman dances to R&B
Tries to 'bring out the red in her hair' while I just say
Heck with it, and dye mine bright auburn
Paints of ambition and opportunities to be grasped
Looks like a knock-out in her new plaid coat
Talks about real things, because that's what matters, right?
Gasps and apologizes when she swears.
I think it's cute.
Reads books just because I tell her to
Hugs me even when I'm dripping with toxic hair dye
Takes a chance with the un-named box of chocolates
Enjoys coffee, and keeps forgetting that I don't
Has the cutest boyfriend I ever did see
We're gonna go church hopping
And take pictures in the winter awesomeness
Not sure how it all happened like this
But I like it
It makes me smile in the morning
And sing in the afternoon
It's as if God was like...here MaryBeth...here's a reason to be happy
Because lovely people do exist
And here's one for you
"Maybe it's a twofer. Maybe you needed a friend and I needed God."
Maybe so, dearest
Maybe so
Monday, December 27, 2010
I've just been so...
Busy.
Busy.
Freaking Busy.
No. Not me.
You.
That's what you keep telling me, at least.
You see, there's this thing happening lately, and I'm tired of it.
I contacted you to see if you wanted to sit and drink coffee with me and talk about anything under the sun...
And you told me that you would love to, but you're just so busy right now.
But maybe when things slow down we could figure something out.
But don't feel like I'm attacking you, because you're not the only one.
Quite honestly, it's pretty much everyone.
They've all just been so busy lately.
Hey, we haven't talked in a while. What's going on?
Oh, I know. I've just been so busy lately. I haven't had time to do anything.
I just realized that is a completely ridiculous statement. So busy you haven't had time to do anything.
Then what are you even busy with? You must be doing something. Something terribly important, it seems.
I haven't seen you at church in a while. What have you been up to?
Oh, you know, I'm just a busy guy. I try to come as much as I can.
Do you want to hang out sometime soon? You could come stay at my house for the weekend.
Oh, that sounds like so much fun. I'd really love to. But I'm really busy right now. When things slow down a bit though, we will do something for sure.
If I hear the word busy one more time I might explode.
Don't tell me you're busy.
Either care about our relationship enough to make time for it, or tell me I don't rank high enough on your priority list to spend time nurturing this friendship...and then go away.
I realize that's kind of harsh. But I'm seriously fed up with the "busyness" that seems to be consuming our lives lately. What the heck are we all so busy with? And how much does that stuff really matter?
I don't know about you. But to me, people matter.
People matter more than homework.
and dishes. and shopping. and a job.
and cleaning your room.
and watching that show.
and sleeping in.
and going to this or that event.
My relationship with you, blog reader, matters.
You matter.
God matters.
Reality matters.
Caring and loving and helping matter.
Giving and learning and talking matter.
What are you living for?
Why are so many of us sucked into this disgusting trap of busyness.
I find this to be especially an issue in the Christian realm.
I find a lot of things to be especially an issue in the Christian realm.
By the way, that's pretty messed up.
But I'm serious, we get all wrapped up into our events.
We have schedules filled with all the stuff we're doing for God.
We volunteer and teach and haul children back and forth.
And we feel pretty holy about it all.
And that would all be just dandy, if you didn't blow me off every time I called you.
That would be super holy if you also managed to put effort into your relationships.
Relationship matters.
I would almost venture to say it matters the most.
It is at the core of love, beauty, and salvation.
But we've not much time for that serious stuff.
We've just been so......
Busy.
Busy.
Freaking Busy.
No. Not me.
You.
That's what you keep telling me, at least.
You see, there's this thing happening lately, and I'm tired of it.
I contacted you to see if you wanted to sit and drink coffee with me and talk about anything under the sun...
And you told me that you would love to, but you're just so busy right now.
But maybe when things slow down we could figure something out.
But don't feel like I'm attacking you, because you're not the only one.
Quite honestly, it's pretty much everyone.
They've all just been so busy lately.
Hey, we haven't talked in a while. What's going on?
Oh, I know. I've just been so busy lately. I haven't had time to do anything.
I just realized that is a completely ridiculous statement. So busy you haven't had time to do anything.
Then what are you even busy with? You must be doing something. Something terribly important, it seems.
I haven't seen you at church in a while. What have you been up to?
Oh, you know, I'm just a busy guy. I try to come as much as I can.
Do you want to hang out sometime soon? You could come stay at my house for the weekend.
Oh, that sounds like so much fun. I'd really love to. But I'm really busy right now. When things slow down a bit though, we will do something for sure.
If I hear the word busy one more time I might explode.
Don't tell me you're busy.
Either care about our relationship enough to make time for it, or tell me I don't rank high enough on your priority list to spend time nurturing this friendship...and then go away.
I realize that's kind of harsh. But I'm seriously fed up with the "busyness" that seems to be consuming our lives lately. What the heck are we all so busy with? And how much does that stuff really matter?
I don't know about you. But to me, people matter.
People matter more than homework.
and dishes. and shopping. and a job.
and cleaning your room.
and watching that show.
and sleeping in.
and going to this or that event.
My relationship with you, blog reader, matters.
You matter.
God matters.
Reality matters.
Caring and loving and helping matter.
Giving and learning and talking matter.
What are you living for?
Why are so many of us sucked into this disgusting trap of busyness.
I find this to be especially an issue in the Christian realm.
I find a lot of things to be especially an issue in the Christian realm.
By the way, that's pretty messed up.
But I'm serious, we get all wrapped up into our events.
We have schedules filled with all the stuff we're doing for God.
We volunteer and teach and haul children back and forth.
And we feel pretty holy about it all.
And that would all be just dandy, if you didn't blow me off every time I called you.
That would be super holy if you also managed to put effort into your relationships.
Relationship matters.
I would almost venture to say it matters the most.
It is at the core of love, beauty, and salvation.
But we've not much time for that serious stuff.
We've just been so......
Busy.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Infected
He told me my Christianity is like a disease.
A contagious virus that threatens to infect everyone I come in contact with.
And I can't control it. I can't choose to not infect. Because I'm a carrier.
I carry Christianity like a snot-nosed-kid carries a cold.
I told him my intentions were not to infect him.
I'm not trying to "christianize" anyone.
But apparently I don't get to choose. It's just who I am.
I have an ailment, a sickness, a virus, a malady.
I am contaminated, and if you spend too much time around me, you may catch it too.
Catch...belief. Catch faith. Catch God.
But don't worry, not everyone gets it.
Some people are strong enough to fight it off.
Some people, like him, are immune. Or so he says.
But I suppose there's always a chance.
Always a chance you could run into me and your life could be changed forever.
For a moment this grieved me. I was frustrated that I could not control it.
For a moment I was confused and puzzled at this new concept.
And then a thought....
A thought that went something like this:
Maybe, just maybe, I am carrying not a disease, but rather, a cure.
What if you're the sick one, and I have the answer?
What if what I am carrying will save your life?
You're already dying. Why not take the chance?
Whether it's a disease or a cure, I really don't care.
Come, drink my tonic.
Or my toxin, perhaps.
Be infected.
Be infected with me, friend.
And we'll start an epedemic.
An epedemic of the cure.
A contagious virus that threatens to infect everyone I come in contact with.
And I can't control it. I can't choose to not infect. Because I'm a carrier.
I carry Christianity like a snot-nosed-kid carries a cold.
I told him my intentions were not to infect him.
I'm not trying to "christianize" anyone.
But apparently I don't get to choose. It's just who I am.
I have an ailment, a sickness, a virus, a malady.
I am contaminated, and if you spend too much time around me, you may catch it too.
Catch...belief. Catch faith. Catch God.
But don't worry, not everyone gets it.
Some people are strong enough to fight it off.
Some people, like him, are immune. Or so he says.
But I suppose there's always a chance.
Always a chance you could run into me and your life could be changed forever.
For a moment this grieved me. I was frustrated that I could not control it.
For a moment I was confused and puzzled at this new concept.
And then a thought....
A thought that went something like this:
Maybe, just maybe, I am carrying not a disease, but rather, a cure.
What if you're the sick one, and I have the answer?
What if what I am carrying will save your life?
You're already dying. Why not take the chance?
Whether it's a disease or a cure, I really don't care.
Come, drink my tonic.
Or my toxin, perhaps.
Be infected.
Be infected with me, friend.
And we'll start an epedemic.
An epedemic of the cure.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
2 a.m.
*ring ring*
Uhh....Hello?
Hey, we need your help. We're at a party and he's throwing up all over the place. What should I do?
Okay, where are you?
I don't know. I don't know where we're at.
Did he drink too much? Does he need to go to the hospital?
No. no. He didn't drink too much. He's just throwing up and he keeps saying your name.
Okay. Can you get out of there? Can you get home?
Well, I could drive us home.
Wait, have you been drinking too?
Yeah, but not very much. I'm fine to drive.
NO! Do NOT drive. Listen to me. Do not drive. Please.
Well what should I do? Here, talk to him.
(non-comprehendable coversation with a totally wasted kid)
Listen, you cannot drive. I'm listening to you talk and I can tell that you are not okay to drive. Do you have anyone you could call to come pick you up?
No. My parents are out of town and his parents don't know he drinks. None of our friends would come get us.
Okay, well do not drive. Stay there. I'm so serious, listen to me. Do not drive.
I think we're gonna go to sleep.
Okay, that's a good idea. Go lay down. Don't go anywhere. Please.
Okay, hey, don't tell anyone about this okay? I don't want him to get in trouble.
Okay. Bye guys.
....5 minutes later
Hey MaryBeth, we just wanted to let you know that we were totally messing around with you. Here, talk to him.
Hey MaryBeth. Completely sober here. No drinking, we're both fine.
Are you serious?
Yeah. We're just hanging out playing cards.
I learned some things about myself last night. I learned that each day counts and things can change in an instant. I learned that I would have gotten up and driven to pick up these guys if they had insisted on driving. I learned I care a ton about these people that I just met a couple of weeks ago, and for some reason I would have given just about anything to save their lives. I prayed harder in those few minutes than I have in a long time. I learned that I care. More than I realized I ever did. And I learned that opportunities are everywhere. Even if it wasn't real this time, it could be next time. And I'm glad they know I'm there to call. I care. I'll always care. I'm here. I'm always here. Life is short. Don't waste it, dear heart. Don't waste it.
Uhh....Hello?
Hey, we need your help. We're at a party and he's throwing up all over the place. What should I do?
Okay, where are you?
I don't know. I don't know where we're at.
Did he drink too much? Does he need to go to the hospital?
No. no. He didn't drink too much. He's just throwing up and he keeps saying your name.
Okay. Can you get out of there? Can you get home?
Well, I could drive us home.
Wait, have you been drinking too?
Yeah, but not very much. I'm fine to drive.
NO! Do NOT drive. Listen to me. Do not drive. Please.
Well what should I do? Here, talk to him.
(non-comprehendable coversation with a totally wasted kid)
Listen, you cannot drive. I'm listening to you talk and I can tell that you are not okay to drive. Do you have anyone you could call to come pick you up?
No. My parents are out of town and his parents don't know he drinks. None of our friends would come get us.
Okay, well do not drive. Stay there. I'm so serious, listen to me. Do not drive.
I think we're gonna go to sleep.
Okay, that's a good idea. Go lay down. Don't go anywhere. Please.
Okay, hey, don't tell anyone about this okay? I don't want him to get in trouble.
Okay. Bye guys.
....5 minutes later
Hey MaryBeth, we just wanted to let you know that we were totally messing around with you. Here, talk to him.
Hey MaryBeth. Completely sober here. No drinking, we're both fine.
Are you serious?
Yeah. We're just hanging out playing cards.
I learned some things about myself last night. I learned that each day counts and things can change in an instant. I learned that I would have gotten up and driven to pick up these guys if they had insisted on driving. I learned I care a ton about these people that I just met a couple of weeks ago, and for some reason I would have given just about anything to save their lives. I prayed harder in those few minutes than I have in a long time. I learned that I care. More than I realized I ever did. And I learned that opportunities are everywhere. Even if it wasn't real this time, it could be next time. And I'm glad they know I'm there to call. I care. I'll always care. I'm here. I'm always here. Life is short. Don't waste it, dear heart. Don't waste it.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Worth My Time
So I came to a point a while ago where I didn't want to trust people. None of them.
I didn't want to put my hopes in people. I didn't want to be let down again.
I didn't want to take the chance of being hurt.
I lost my hope in humanity. Yes, I did.
I decided people weren't worth my tears.
I decided people weren't worth my time.
I decided people would never do anything but let me down.
I decided to give up on anyone but me and God.
And there on that dark road with misty eyes and chilled bones I laid down my hope, my trust, my desires, my passions. And I made the decision that humanity was not worthy of seeing my heart. And I locked it up. And there I was. Just me and God. And no chance of ever being hurt again.
And then I tried to live. And it didn't work.
I was lonely. I was lost. I had no purpose. I had no reason to exist.
Maybe the pain had been worth it.
We were meant to live in relationship with other people. To love and be loved, to know and be known.
And I opened my eyes. And I said to God, surely there are good people out there. Surely there are people worth fighting for. Surely they don't all aim to destroy whole hearts.
And a still, small voice replied,
"Look for them."
So I did. I began looking for the good in people. I began expecting people to treat me right. I began discovering beauty in everyone. And this is what I saw:
An unexpected apology from a complete stranger
An extraordinarily friendly cafe worker
A sweet new youthgroup attendee, with a lovely heart
A random act of kindness by an unfamiliar face
A message of encouragemenet and words that say "I care" from a college student
A wonderful new friend who loves, accepts, and talks about real things
A beautiful penpal -- just like we used to have back in the day
People who stood up for me, who cared
I just opened my eyes.
So, dear friend, perhaps I am not completely convinced.
But I'm on my way.
And now, today, sitting in the light, living for today...I have a glimmer of hope
That maybe, just maybe, humanity is worth it.
I didn't want to put my hopes in people. I didn't want to be let down again.
I didn't want to take the chance of being hurt.
I lost my hope in humanity. Yes, I did.
I decided people weren't worth my tears.
I decided people weren't worth my time.
I decided people would never do anything but let me down.
I decided to give up on anyone but me and God.
And there on that dark road with misty eyes and chilled bones I laid down my hope, my trust, my desires, my passions. And I made the decision that humanity was not worthy of seeing my heart. And I locked it up. And there I was. Just me and God. And no chance of ever being hurt again.
And then I tried to live. And it didn't work.
I was lonely. I was lost. I had no purpose. I had no reason to exist.
Maybe the pain had been worth it.
We were meant to live in relationship with other people. To love and be loved, to know and be known.
And I opened my eyes. And I said to God, surely there are good people out there. Surely there are people worth fighting for. Surely they don't all aim to destroy whole hearts.
And a still, small voice replied,
"Look for them."
So I did. I began looking for the good in people. I began expecting people to treat me right. I began discovering beauty in everyone. And this is what I saw:
An unexpected apology from a complete stranger
An extraordinarily friendly cafe worker
A sweet new youthgroup attendee, with a lovely heart
A random act of kindness by an unfamiliar face
A message of encouragemenet and words that say "I care" from a college student
A wonderful new friend who loves, accepts, and talks about real things
A beautiful penpal -- just like we used to have back in the day
People who stood up for me, who cared
I just opened my eyes.
So, dear friend, perhaps I am not completely convinced.
But I'm on my way.
And now, today, sitting in the light, living for today...I have a glimmer of hope
That maybe, just maybe, humanity is worth it.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
My life has scripted lines like a movie.
Hello there
Hey
How are you?
I'm good -- and you?
I'm pretty good.
Oh, that's good. I'm glad.
Yeah, so what have you been up to?
Oh, not much. You know, school...work. Pretty uneventful. How about you?
Same.
Eh. We should hang out sometime.
Yeah we should. Probably after everything slows down. Life is so busy right now.
I know what you mean. I don't have time to do anything.
Well, I guess I'll talk to you later.
You too. Bye.
Bye.
Oh, dear friend, would you like to go off-script with me? Would you like to live a life of improv? Would you like to say new and refreshing things each time we talk? Would you like to speak of real and deep things and get below the surface for a change?
I'm throwing out the script.
I hope you do too.
Hey
How are you?
I'm good -- and you?
I'm pretty good.
Oh, that's good. I'm glad.
Yeah, so what have you been up to?
Oh, not much. You know, school...work. Pretty uneventful. How about you?
Same.
Eh. We should hang out sometime.
Yeah we should. Probably after everything slows down. Life is so busy right now.
I know what you mean. I don't have time to do anything.
Well, I guess I'll talk to you later.
You too. Bye.
Bye.
Oh, dear friend, would you like to go off-script with me? Would you like to live a life of improv? Would you like to say new and refreshing things each time we talk? Would you like to speak of real and deep things and get below the surface for a change?
I'm throwing out the script.
I hope you do too.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Love is still a worthy cause
I have never heard this song with my ears. I have only read the lyrics with my eyes. And that's enough for me. That's enough to change me. That's enough to make me move. Love is still a worthy cause.
Love Is Still A Worthy Cause
by Sara Groves
have you listed all the times you've tried
do you call on all your alibis
when somebody asks the question why are you hiding
did you feel the pull, did you hear the call
did you take a chance and lose it all
do you fear there's no collateral left for trying
friend i know your heart is raw
but love is still a worthy cause
picking up and pressing on
oh love is still a worthy cause
like the touch that starts the thaw
oh, love is such a worthy cause
or the word that breaks the pause
in the midst of passing bravery
in the face of our own injuries
is the constant generosity of grace
it's the beauty in the tales we tell
it's the pressing on and ending well
it's the joy that comes when we give our self away
i love because he loved me when i had nothing
i love because you loved me when i had nothing
i love because he loved me when i had nothing
i had nothing
when you count the cost and all seems lost
love is still a worthy cause
when you're pressing on though your strength is gone
love is still a worthy cause
oh, love is still a worthy cause
oh, love is still a worthy cause
oh, love
Love Is Still A Worthy Cause
by Sara Groves
have you listed all the times you've tried
do you call on all your alibis
when somebody asks the question why are you hiding
did you feel the pull, did you hear the call
did you take a chance and lose it all
do you fear there's no collateral left for trying
friend i know your heart is raw
but love is still a worthy cause
picking up and pressing on
oh love is still a worthy cause
like the touch that starts the thaw
oh, love is such a worthy cause
or the word that breaks the pause
in the midst of passing bravery
in the face of our own injuries
is the constant generosity of grace
it's the beauty in the tales we tell
it's the pressing on and ending well
it's the joy that comes when we give our self away
i love because he loved me when i had nothing
i love because you loved me when i had nothing
i love because he loved me when i had nothing
i had nothing
when you count the cost and all seems lost
love is still a worthy cause
when you're pressing on though your strength is gone
love is still a worthy cause
oh, love is still a worthy cause
oh, love is still a worthy cause
oh, love
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Confession:
I went upstairs this evening with the intentions of cleaning my room. I soon found myself in my bedroom by myself just dancing my heart out. Toby Mac, Relient K, David Crowder, Copeland...oh how I love to dance. Also, I jumped on my bed. And I jumped off my bed. I was like a rockstar. It was pretty amazing. I felt like a little kid. It was a joyous time, indeed.
"...and you are to rejoice before the Lord your God in everything you put your hand to."
Deuteronomy 12:18
"...and you are to rejoice before the Lord your God in everything you put your hand to."
Deuteronomy 12:18
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