Thou in me dwelling and I with Thee one.

The Power of Words

It's kind of been an ongoing joke in my family that I'm a terrible singer. And I definitely was bad when I was younger. But the thing is...it was funny for a while. Now it just makes me want to work harder at singing well. So I do. I love music so much. I desire to be able to sing anywhere at any time and not have to think...ugh...I know I'm a terrible singer, I shouldn't be singing in front of these people. Ah. But I love singing. I love singing loudly. I love worshipping with everything I have in me. So I do. Even though I may not have a great voice, I sing with all I've got.
Here's where the power of words comes in: This morning at church we were singing worship songs. After the first song, the man that was standing in front of me turned around and said, "You have a beautiful singing voice. I could hear you singing behind me." Whoa. See the thing is, he has no idea how much that meant to me. His words were such a blessing to me this morning. I don't even know this man very well. I know of him. But we're not buddies. He had no obligation to compliment my singing. But he did. And that was how he showed me love this morning. So, Mark, if you're reading this, thank you. Thank you for saying just a few words that made my day.
The power of words: you never know when a word of encouragement is exactly what someone needs.

Dear Blog Reader,

I just want you to know that everything is awesome. I'm so on fire for God. He's moving. It's crazy. It's awesome. I love it. I love him.I love YOU.

....yeah. I just wanted you to know that.

A Care in the World

I went to the park this evening -- the one that has a little stage in the middle of it. I wanted some alone time to listen to an audiobook. [Cast of Characters by Max Lucado] I love that little stage. We're pretty much besties by now.
So I was laying flat on the stage, relaxing, with headphones in my ears. And something happened. Something that I would have normally just shrugged off. But something about it stuck with me for some reason. So now I'm gonna share it with you.
Note: I am laying flat on my stomach in the middle of the stage. Try to picture me.
So I'm listening to my book and I think I hear what might be a faint voice in the background. I sit up, look around, and note a middle-aged woman shouting at me. So I take my headphones out and say..."what?"
"Are you alright!" she asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine" I replied.
"Oh-good. I just saw you laying there and I wasn't sure if you were breathing or anything. I wanted to make sure you were okay."
So I explained to her what I was doing and thanked her. She smiled and went on her way.

Yeah -- not a great story -- I know. But for some reason that woman had an impact on me. Because it made me think, what if I had been hurt? What if I had needed help? What if I had passed out? Or even...what if I was having a terrible day and was just laying there crying, waiting for someone to care.
I was fine today. There was nothing wrong. But that woman double checked anyway. She cared about me -- a complete stranger.
What if next time I'm not okay? What if something is terribly wrong? I hope that woman would walk by. And if not, I hope someone else would take her place. I hope someone would give a care in the world about the well-being of a complete stranger.
This woman's actions convicted me. Would I have done the same thing if I had seen someone and had even the slightest question that they might need help?
I would hope so.
Yes, I would definitely hope so.

The Battle for Me

Sometimes I want to conquer it on my own.

I want to be the David with a sling and stone.

I want to fight my own battles.

I want to conquer the obstacles.

I want to breakdown walls and barriers.

I want to stand in my own strength.

I want to achieve victory!

And I want all the credit.

I want to overcome the struggles.

Fight off the emotions and trials.

I want to find peace and joy.

And I want to do it on my own.

My life is mine.

I want to fight for myself.

"MaryBeth, you can't do it alone. Let me help you."

Love,

Your Fortress

My Heart is Heavy and Light

I need to write a poem

of confusion

and of hope

I need to pour my heart into

this paper-

helps me cope

I surrender again and again

I put it in His hands

Yet everytime I turn around

I'm carrying burdens

It's me who picks them up again

Oh, this life seems like a trap

See-I'm holding onto all this junk

I have to give it back

Why do I think I know the answers

What makes me think I have a chance

When all of my plans continue to fail

Look at Yours, Lord, they always prevail

My heart is heavy

I'm nervous and lost

I need to find confidence

Outside of my box

Even though I've been told

That's this is alright

I know to test all things

Because my life is a fight

I live on a battle field

Between darkness and light

I'll take up my armour

And do what is right

Life is crazy most always

It might feel like I'm dead

But this moment will soon pass

My best days are ahead

You see, I'm not a great poet

I can't figure out how to rhyme

All I can be is honest

These words are deep

And they are mine

Inspired by Jessie

Dear Hurting Heart,
You need to know that there is hope. No matter how ridiculously far you have run from God, it's not too far to turn around. It's not too late to run the opposite way.

You are not alone. This is not the end of your story. Your life MATTERS.

I want to tell you something. Something very important.

Jesus. Died. For. You.

Because he wants you to be free. You don't have to run from him. You don't have to carry burdens and guilt and shame. You don't have to cry so much. You can be happy. You can find real joy. You can be free.

He wants you. He's in love with you. Like seriously. Hardcore. Passionate. IN. LOVE.
So much that he died a bloody, brutal death so that you could live.
Yes, dear heart, it was all for you.

Please stop running. You'll only run straight to death.
It's not too late to turn around.

He's not mad at you. And he's not upset. He won't condemn you if you turn to him.

You. Are. So. Beautiful.
You are lovely. And you are loved.
Don't be satisfied with this life of running away.
Don't be satisfied with these burdens and grief and pains.
Don't be satisfied with life without the One that matters.

There is only one reason for your life here. It is God.

Turn around.
Run to him.
His arms are outstretched.
He wants to hold you.
Do it now.

i love my life.

here's my heart Lord take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above

A Word About Believing in the Power of God

David said to Saul, "Don't let anyone be discouraged by him; your servant will go and fight this Philistine!"

 But Saul replied, "You can't go fight this Philistine. You're just a youth, and he's been a warrior since he was young."

Then David said, "The LORD who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine."

Saul said to David, "Go, and may the LORD be with you."

"Come here," the Philistine called to David, "and I'll give your flesh to the birds of the sky and the wild beasts!"

 David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with a dagger, spear, and sword, but I come against you in the name of the LORD of Hosts, the God of Israel's armies— you have defied Him. Today, the LORD will hand you over to me. Today, I'll strike you down, cut your head off, and give the corpses of the Philistine camp to the birds of the sky and the creatures of the earth. Then all the world will know that Israel has a God,  and this whole assembly will know that it is not by sword or by spear that the LORD saves, for the battle is the LORD's. He will hand you over to us."

 When the Philistine started forward to attack him, David ran quickly to the battle line to meet the Philistine. David put his hand in the bag, took out a stone, slung [it], and hit the Philistine on his forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell on his face to the ground.

David defeated the Philistine with a sling and a stone. Even though David had no sword, he struck down the Philistine and killed him.

1 Samuel 17

I love my Jesus. So so much Ah man. He's so amazing.

Ben

As I sat outside behind the table helping register campers for the week ahead, he came and joined the back of the line. Standing beside him was a beautiful woman, dressed nicely, hair pinned back, of all serious nature. This was his mother. It didn't take long before everyone knew Ben was here. Impatiently jumping to the front of the line, he begged to be checked in first. No, said Kristy. You have to wait just like everyone else. Aww....but come on, he said. You know I'm your favorite. Laughing, Kristy directed to him to the back of the line once more. Loudly he waited, making his presence very known. He was sooo excited to be at camp. He wanted to get started as soon as possible. Finally Ben got checked in and then proceeded to sit beside Kristy and me at the registration table. I'm going to help, he told us.

Ben is develop mentally disabled, just like every other camper at Inspiration Center last week. How does this affect him? Ben cannot talk. And he has limited use of his right hand.

Now wait a minute, you might be saying. You just told me that he said things to you, how could he not be able to talk? Well, its kind of crazy really. Although Ben's mouth is not capable of forming words, he is more than able to communicate just as well as you and me. Ben uses his arms and hands extravagantly. He is also amazing at communicating through facial expressions. On top of this, he is able to make the beginning sounds of some words if you just aren't getting it. It only took me about one day to figure out how Ben communicates. It's quite breathtaking, really.

Ben is 22 years old. He might seem "slow" or "handicapped." But those words do not define him. He is just a 22 year old guy, interested in the same things as you and me. He loves to give hugs, be the center of attention, and isn't afraid to speak up if he thinks something isn't right.

Ben sat at my table for the week, and we were really able to get to know each other. Can you get me a soda, he would as me by motioning as if he was drinking and making the 'd' noise, meaning "diet." No, Ben, I would say. You already had a soda today. Only one per day. He would then turn to me with the saddest eyes, put a pathetic frown on his face and fold his hands under his chin, as if he was begging. With all of that he spoke one word. "Please."

Ben is not "slow." I did not have to speak to him as if he was a child. I did not have talk slowly or repeat things over and over for him to get them. He is actually a very clever guy. He thought it was funny to call me crazy and a loser. You should be careful, Ben. I'm the one who gets you your drinks and cuts up your food. If you keep being mean to me you might not get to eat. Pondering this at the next meal, he asked the other counselor at our table to cut his food for him and get him his drink. Now I can still make fun of you, he jeered at me.

One afternoon while the campers were supposed to be resting in their rooms and I was doing dishes, Ben came up to me in his bathing suit, holding a towel. He was ready to swim. Ben! I said. You are supposed to be in your room resting. He told me he wasn't tired. So we hung out for a little while. He wandered around and messed with some of the other staff. And eventually, he got to swim. He's just a fun guy to be with.

I went into last week expecting to have a good time. I was excited for the opportunity to help people and serve God. In some ways, I was kind of expecting to be a babysitter, taking care of these adults who couldn't take care of themselves. God really revealed himself to me last week. Look at these people, he told me. You are not any better than them. I died for THEM too. Look at these beautiful humans. Look at the way I gave Laurel the gift of dancing. Look at Deb, how passionately she prays. Jenny sees only the good in people. She loves to compliment you and make you feel good about yourself. And look at Ben. This beautiful boy. This marvelous communicator. My creation.

The last thing I expected to do last week was make friends.

God had different plans.

To those struggling in this world

Set your minds on what is above, not on what is on the earth.
Colossians 3:2

I have a new start. Everyday. Because of Jesus.

inspiration center/place where God dwells

Oh, blog reader. I have so much to tell you. I've been on a missions trip this past week at a place called inspiration center in wisconsin. It is a camp for adults with physical/mental handicaps. And God MOVED. I can't tell you all right now. Just know that it was amazing. And there will be more to come. I love you.