Reflections Of a Flame-Engulfed Day

Sometimes God shows up through His people.
I think it's probably supposed to be that way.
That's probably how He intended it.

Sometimes His generosity and love overflow from His children unto....me.

I walked out of church this morning with nearly $3,000 of various bills
and checks in my hand to be used for a a number of purposes.

That money was needed.

God's love overflowed through His people today.
Maybe you don't really realize how much people care and love
until they are given the opportunity to care and love abundantly.

And I know they care and love because of Jesus.
Because He cares and loves, too.
I just know it.

Today was a really crappy day.
And maybe tomorrow will be, too.
But through it all, I know this much:

God shows up.

He loves.
He gives.
He cares.
He provides.

And so do His people.

Never doubt that.
Never.
Not for one second.

Going to Africa Makes You 17 Times More Holy

At least that's the prideful thought that has been trying to creep into my mind lately.

I'm going on a missions trip to Ethiopia, Africa this summer with my sister. You can read about it here.

Conclusion: It's super easy to get prideful about going on a missions trip. Especially to Africa.
I mean, everyone knows that if you really want to be legit about serving God, Africa is the place to go.

Surround yourself with hundreds of orphaned children, poor widows, and starving families and you are pretty much in the gold mine of missions. It doesn't get much more holy than that.

God is probably looking down on me with a single glistening tear in His eye, expressing the utter joy it brings Him to see my holiness level raise so substantially. Oh, Africa.

I'm pretty sure going to Africa is just a single step below being a nun or a monk. Don't you?

And you know what the best part is?
Being holy in a way that seems humble. Like this:
"Hey MaryBeth, do you think you'll be able to help with VBS this summer."
"Oh, I would really love to. But...I'm going to be in Africa."

"Hey MaryBeth, what week are you going to counsel at camp this summer?"
"Argh! I'm so sad that I won't be able to counsel at all this summer. But...I'm gonna be in Africa."

(Africa. You know? Totally out-Christianizing you while you hand out cookies at VBS and make bracelets out of string with kids at camp. I'll be holding the feeble hands of poor orphan children.)

So, the confession is that I know everything I just said is totally messed up. I know that going to Africa does not make me more holy than you. I know that your summer outreach program 10 minutes away is just as important and just as lovely in the eyes of God as my trip. I know that is it not about how far you travel or how many people you witness to or how poverty-stricken the area is in which you are serving. It's about your heart. And it's about letting God use you, wherever you are.

But, I feel like this is something a lot of short-term missionaries probably have to deal with at some point.
I don't want to glorify this trip and make it look like we're the perfect little missionaries with the perfect little blog about how godly we are.
I want to share with you for real about what I'm going through day by day.
And today....going to Africa is tempting me to feel 17 times more holy.
Maybe I needed to voice it to realize how absurd it sounds, how totally twisted the entire concept is.
It's something I'll be praying about and working on.
You see...God's gonna be teaching us so much through this trip, even 5 months before we get on a plane.

Complaining About Not Being Fed At Church

I'm not talking about cookies. I'm talking about that "holy spiritual hunger" that we should apparently all come to church with. "I want to be filled. I want to be fed." Isn't that pretty much what we look for in a church? A place that will feed us spiritually. And when we don't get fed -- because we rarely do -- we complain.

"I've been visiting some other churches, I'm just not getting fed here."
"I really want to receive as much as I can from God and I just feel like that's not happening here."

It's a pretty holy way to go about complaining, I'd say.
It sounds really God-like and utterly Christian.

But hey, don't worry. This isn't a condemnation post.
I am just as guilty of this as the next guy. Maybe more so. I spent three months bouncing from church to church looking to be filled, only to find myself right back at the same church I started, hungrier than when I had begun.

Here's the point I'm getting at:
I'm perfectly happy to spoon-feed my one year old. But, if I'm still spoon-feeding him when he's five, we've got a problem. Here's a fork. Feed yourself. -- Jonathan Acuff


Maybe I don't really know exactly what all that means. But it sounded pretty legit. Like something I should probably share. So I did.

Yeah, she fell.

But, she turned her fall into a beautiful dance.

Excerpts From The Lament

My soul has been deprived of peace;
I have forgotten what happiness is.
Then I thought: My future is lost,
as well as my hope from the Lord.

Remember my affliction
and my homelessness,
the bitterness and the poison.
I continually remember them
and have become depressed.

Yet I call this to mind,
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord's great faithful love
we do not perish,
for His mercies never end.
They are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness!
I say: the Lord is my portion,
therefore I will put my hope in Him.

For the Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
to the person who seeks Him.
It is good to wait quietly
for deliverance from the Lord.

...For the Lord will not reject us forever
Even if He causes suffering,
He will show compassion
according to His abundant,
faithful love.
For He does not enjoy
bringing affliction
or suffering on mankind.

...Who is there who speaks,
and it happens,
unless the Lord has ordained it?
Do not both adversity and good
come from the mouth
of the Most High?
Why should any living
person complain,
any man, because of the punishment
for his sins?

...Let us search out and examine our ways,
and turn back to the Lord.
Let us lift up our hearts
and our hands
to God in heaven.

[from Lamentations Chapter 3]

I saw a dirty, old, white car today.
The license plates read:
"sxy rch"
 Hmm. Doubt it.

It made me giggle.

I heard a few birds singing outside of my window this morning.
I had a dream that it was 90 degrees and we were playing in the sprinkler
Like we did back when we were little.

I think this will be a good day, yes.

Enough

I like winter
I really do
I would dare to claim it as one of my favorite seasons

I love bundling up in scarves, hats, and mittens
Sipping cocoa by the fire
Building snowmen

But I'd just like to say one thing:

enough.

There's just something about this winter
that is ticking me off and wearing me out

I awake in the morning and longingly
my ears search for the sound of red-winged blackbirds
Singing their tunes outside my window

I peer through the ice-frosted glass
and my heart dreams of brighter days
Lush greenery
Flowers shyly blossoming

Oh, that it would be springtime
That I could skip through a field of daisies
In my lovely yellow sundress
With my toes painted pretty pastel purple
Sun rays beaming elegantly upon my gently flowing hair

Yes.
Yes, reader,
I like winter.
But, I'm searching for the brighter days.

To Whom It May Concern:

Stop drunk calling me.
Please.
I like talking to you.
But not at 2 a.m.
And I don't know how to deal with you
When you're wasted.

Ethiopia 2011

My sister, Lindsey, and I have started a new blog. It is entitled "Send Me." We are going on a missions trip to Ethiopia, Africa next summer, and this blog will follow our journey. Feel free to check us out and add us to your blog reading list!
followyou2011.blogspot.com

i keep dreaming about camp

the people

the music

the games

the lessons learned

the beauty

but mainly the people

dang, that place fills me

dang.

Not Even A Hint

Ephesians 5:1-7

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
  But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.  For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them.

This is Worship

Words on a screen
Room full of teens

Cement floor
Broken doors

Haven't showered in two days
Maybe three

Wore these pants yesterday
Fell on ice
Bruised my knee

Hair thrown up in a mess of a bun
Just to get it out of my face
So that I can have fun

Sweat drips in beads
Cold and hot
You meet my needs

Feet in a constant state of wet
Can't feel my toes
Don't even fret

Time to dance
Time to sing

All I have
To God I bring

Give it everything you've got
Dance your heart out
Sing your soul out

Be present in the moment

"ATTITUDE CHECK"

Stand up and own it

"Pharaoh, Pharaoh"
Fall to your knees
"Let my people go"
Your everlasting love is reaching out to me.

Sweat, dirty, cold, surrendered
Hold nothing back

This. Is. Worship.


I am not hindered.

Life Goes On -- the tragedy of a teen

 "My heart was wasted long ago."

He's desperately in love with her.
She loves...that other guy.

It seems like a tragedy, doesn't it?
Almost like a movie.
Almost like someone is penning this story
Right before our eyes.

Have we hit the climax yet?
Is it only downhill from here?

"She hates me as much as I love her."

Those are the words
That pierce one's heart.
You want to help,
But there's nothing you can do.


"I'm a key without a lock."

She has his heart.
He has only memories.

Was she wrong?
Is there any condemnation?
Does he even deserve her?

She's so lovely.

Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

Life goes on.
And so should you.
There is a time to mourn
And a time to dance.

I know you don't feel like dancing
And you hate it when I quote the Bible
But one can only mourn for so long
While still retaining the chance of coming out of it.

You have to come back.
Come back to joy.
Pick up the pieces of your shattered heart
And let them start to heal.

You're stuck in a time warp.
Living in your past
Recalling the days
When love was your life.

Now you know not love
You know not kindness
Or mercy or beauty.

But all hope is not lost.

There is still purpose for your life, dear heart.
Joy awaits.

Joy. Awaits.

Maybe you're right.
Maybe I cannot help you.

But I know One who can.
Pick up your pieces and run to him.
Be healed.
Be new.
Be free from the chains
You tie yourself in
Day after sorrowful day.

He loves her.
She loves him not.

But life goes on.
Life goes on, dear heart.
It goes on.

Like a Rose

"I don't want to hurt you."

"It doesn't matter. You can't help it," was the reply.

You see, you're like a rose.
You have thorns.
Most people do.

But also, like a rose,
You are beautiful.
The rose is worth it,
Don't you know?

The beauty is worth the pain.
It always has been.
It always will be.

And after a while
One becomes familiar
With the rose.
And he remembers
Where the thorns lie
And places his hands accordingly.


So with time,
The pain lessens
And the beauty increases.

And you see,
I'm like a rose, too.
I have thorns.
Most people do.

But the beauty is worth the pain.
It always has been.
It always will be.