Dear Professor,

Dear Professor,

I am sorry, but I cannot join the class today in critically analyzing Stephen Chbosky's popular novel, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. 

It is perhaps for the same reason that you cannot take a sunset and dissect its colors and patterns, studying how the prisms of light band together to create reds, yellows, blues.

You see, to me, The Perks of Being a Wallflower is wholly beautiful and complete. Its technicalities should not be tampered with.

I am not saying you should not pick it apart. I encourage the class to join you in discussing the strengths of its form and the misplacement of its genre.

I, however, will be unable to join you.

My reason, you will find, is most compelling.

This book saved my life.

Approximately sixteen months ago, I found myself alone and crazy in a dusty brown city in Northeast Africa.
Approximately sixteen months ago, my mother made an eight thousand mile phone call to ask me if I was having thoughts of suicide.
Approximately sixteen months ago, "yes" was the only word I could mutter.

See you, this book saved my life.

Because this is the book I brought with me for the seventeen hour plane ride during which I spent more time freaking out than reading.

So this is the book that joined me in bed for five nights when panic attacks denied me slumber.

I didn't have any people with me during those nights.

But I had God.
And I had Charlie.

And I firmly believe that between the two of them, I somehow stayed alive long enough to make it home.

Me and God and Charlie hung out on a metal bunk bed for days, thinking about life and sharing in the darkness.

So I am sorry that I cannot join the class today in critically analyzing this novel.

I, instead, will sit silently and thank God and Charlie for life.

I hope you understand,

Your Student

I do not know
why I ever
stop
running

I only
      know
            why I
                    begin

You Were There Waiting For Me

Chicago felt like home today,

smelled like America

ringing with familiar

shrieks of children, tears

of joy, silent

moments of regret

scanning walltowalltowall

moving past corners

where will I find you will I find you how far did they let you come did you make it to my terminal or areyoustuckbehindthedoors

stuck in traffic

stuck in time

stuck anywhere but home

hold yourself together

hold yourself

hold on tight

walking calmly, as if returning

from business

I spot you

quickened pace, eager

but collected

I am okay.

I am not.

Sprint.

drop bags

throw arms

face in shoulder

I crumble into you

wrapped tightly

sobs escape

I am not okay

It was not okay
I melt
I collapse
I surrender

You were there waiting for me.

eyes pooling; relief and exhaustion

softly you whisper,

happy birthday, baby

[and I miss you everyday]

three years ago [this morning]

you didn’t wake up

and I will never be the same

Cemetery

flowers

fake flowers

blooming flowers

flowers that were once alive and now are withered and

dead

dead. 

flags

American flags

military flags

flags with little sayings on them about angels and heaven

stones

stepping stones

gravestones

stones with the same little sayings about the same little things

names

family names

baby names

name of the surviving spouse, birth year only; awaiting death to be joined with love again

your shrinking, dilapidated stone has none

of the aforementioned 

accessories

I cannot make out any characters 

but the one-eight-six-zero

I think next time

I will bring you some flowers

living flowers.

Don't you realize that He has the power to break the door down?

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. 
If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, 
I will come in and eat with him,
and he with me.
- Revelation 3:20

But He comes to you 
humbly. 

And I Know That It Ended

I'm not so sure when it started
but I know that it ended
last week
when I told you I wanted
something else
and you said "okay"
and kissed me goodbye.

And I know that it ended the next day
when we talked about how
this is so much harder
than we expected.

And I know that it ended the day after that
when we didn't talk at all -
I just sat at a coffee shop and wept.

And I know that it ended on friday
when you took my order
and our eyes did not meet.

And I know that it ended last night
when three a.m. forced us apart
through weeping and fear.

And I know that it ended today
when we ran out of things to write about.

I don't believe in
fate

but if I did

our lives would
exemplify
its destinies.

meet me at barnes & noble

meet me at barnes & noble
if the world ends

i'll be waiting
somewhere between
poetry
and
romance

cross-legged on the floor
expecting you
every minute

and we will live off of
young adult fiction
starbucks
and words

like we've always wanted to do
anyway

we'll start with the classics
and work our way to more obscure titles
choosing the most appealing covers first

and when we get bored
which we won't

we'll venture to the children's books
and love every moment
until the end

Reasons To Go Home

Because you can run
the entirety of the town
at 9 p.m. on a spring Saturday
and not have to move out of the way
of a single moving vehicle

as if it's all yours.

Copeland

It's crazy about Copeland, huh?

How in that moment
we were undoubtedly together

yet also
remarkably
distant.

Kind of like right now. 

Twenty-Five Reasons Summer Is Going To Be A Time Of Refreshing

• vegetables, herbs, and watermelon
• front yard flowers
• hammocks
• an unending summer reading list
• back yard fires
• morning runs
• color runs
• sister time
• unearthing yard sale treasures
• mom and dad
• home cooking
• garden salsa
• jars and jars of pickles
• taking fresh baked bread to my aunt
• neighbors
• sunshine, sunburns, and sun-tans
• summer small group
• a new set of high schoolers to love
• erin and marybeth's summer road trip extravaganza
• some serious camping 
• being barefoot
• faith bible camp
• all of the concerts
• jefferson bethke 
• Jesus

So I commended enjoyment because there is nothing better for man under the sun than to eat, drink, and enjoy himself, for this will accompany him in his labor during the days of his life that God gives him under the sun. -Ecclesiastes 8:15

it's the hashtags

it's the hashtags

the damn hashtags

and the words

no one likes hashtags
and
words

all the people who like the poems hate the hashtags
and all the people who like the hashtags hate the poems

....except us.

yeah.

i get you. 

since feeling

since feeling is first
guard your heart

while Spring is in the world
love with all you've got
recklessly, unrelenting

and kisses
.....and kisses

Don't cry

it's complete surrender

don't regret it,
k?

and I won't

and you won't

and we're shaken

and death i think is no parenthesis

Elevator

Through tear stained eyes
I see him get on
and select floor number six

Please don't talk to me

Please don't talk to me

Please don't talk to me

"Is everything alright?"

He asks, as if he truly cares

And in twelve seconds
I explain my world

"I'm sorry. I hope it gets better."

And I think he actually meant it.