November Thoughts

I've had this deep desire to write lately.
Yet when I sit down with my pen...or my fingers on the keys...nothing comes.
I feel stuck.
Like writing is something built into me.
Something beautiful.
But I can't do it.
It feels sad.

Writing is my release.
Writing is my remedy.
Writing is my freedom.

I feel like I'm changing.
But I'm not really sure how.
At all.

I know I like different things.
Old things, and dirty things.
I find beauty in the unusual.

I know I feel different things.
Like passion for crunchy leaves.
And the desire to touch the hearts of Jr. High girls.
My heart is forming. Or perhaps it's growing.

I know I'm getting excited about college.
Even though I haven't made solid deicisons about where I'm going.
My hearts jumps at the idea of being on my own.
And expressing myself in new and crazy ways.

I know I've been making new friends.
My heart is drawn to different people.
And I want to make more.

I want to know you -- whoever you are.
I want to go for a walk with you through the crunchy leaves.
I want to make you hot chocolate and sit on my bed and let words flow from our mouths.
I want to share with you what God has been doing in my life.
And I want to spread my fire for Jesus.

I want to know about your life.
The things that make you hurt.
And the things that make you giggle.
The things that really make your day.
And the ways in which your day can be ruined in an instant.
I want to know what Jesus is doing in YOUR life.
I want to stay up all night getting to know you.

I'm changing.
I can't quite pinpoint how.
But I think it's good.
Perhaps it is just part of this growing up thing.