Scares the crap out of me.
But, when I pondered this, I realized that the thought of
living in another country for the rest of my life
also scares the crap out of me.
Each for different reasons, of course.
My soul burns with passion for missions.
I am on fire, and I want to go.
And do.
And make disciples.
I just switched my major
in order to get certified to teach High School English.
With this, another semester was added to my total university time.
Each day I am able to grasp a little more
the idea that I may actually be here
on this college campus
for three and a half more years.
Sometimes I'm not sure if I can make it,
if I want to make it,
or if I'm supposed to make it.
Three and a haf years is a long time from now.
Nearly 2016.
I think I would be surprised if I was still here.
I think I would be surprised if I was still in America.
But, I'm utterly aware that my God is a God of surprises
and often calls us to the unexpected.
Fact: I love being a missionary at Western Illinois University.
Is it what I thought I would be doing with these four years of my life?
Not even a little tiny bit.
But, I love it.
I love telling people about Jesus in a way they've never heard Him explained before.
I love stuffing ten women into a dorm room to study the Word and share hearts.
I love running on empty streets in the morning and dedicating my day to God's glory.
I love sharing every meal with a community of believers who want to see this campus on fire for God.
I love meeting new people, and realizing they love Jesus too, and aren't quite sure what they're doing at college either.
I love evenings spent at a coffee shop, worshiping Jesus and sipping hot chai with caramel.
I love that this existence is not putting me into debt.
I love the absolutely incredible friends and Christian community God has lavished upon me.
I love diversity and experiences and my possibly high, gay poetry professor.
I love learning and growing and buying my own deodorant.
I love being a part of a movement for Christ that is changing lives every day.
Yet, in it's own way, every day comes with a moment of dissatisfaction.
Because I don't want what this University is trying to give me.
And I don't want what America is trying to push me toward.
And the deepest parts of my being are on FIRE
to GO.
and do.
and serve.
and tell of Jesus.
and experience the world.
and love the orphans.
and rescue women from sex-trafficking.
and pray for broken bodies to be made whole.
and cook a meal for a starving child.
and make disciples of all the nations.
A God-loving student I met at a conference last year just left for a missions trip called World Race.
He is going to 11 countries in 11 months
and being the hands and feet of Jesus
all over the world.
And my soul burns with the hope
that one day I would find myself
doing the same.
I am going to Ethiopia for a month and a half over the summer.
If I didn't have that, I don't know what I would do.
Because the thought of living in America for the rest of my life
is one that I cannot quite handle.
The American dream sounds terribly dissatifying to me.
I just want to go and do.
To say that I don't know why God has put me here on this campus in America right now
would be a lie.
I know.
You probably even know.
The movement happening here is no secret.
It's a big deal. And it's awesome.
If it wasn't for this missions field on campus, I would have no reason to be here.
So with that, I push on.
I long to go.
But, God has me staying for now.
It is only my hope that the staying is temporary,
and the going is permanent.
God, grant me patience and satisfaction.
"I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God." --Ecclesiastes 3:12-13
But, when I pondered this, I realized that the thought of
living in another country for the rest of my life
also scares the crap out of me.
Each for different reasons, of course.
My soul burns with passion for missions.
I am on fire, and I want to go.
And do.
And make disciples.
I just switched my major
in order to get certified to teach High School English.
With this, another semester was added to my total university time.
Each day I am able to grasp a little more
the idea that I may actually be here
on this college campus
for three and a half more years.
Sometimes I'm not sure if I can make it,
if I want to make it,
or if I'm supposed to make it.
Three and a haf years is a long time from now.
Nearly 2016.
I think I would be surprised if I was still here.
I think I would be surprised if I was still in America.
But, I'm utterly aware that my God is a God of surprises
and often calls us to the unexpected.
Fact: I love being a missionary at Western Illinois University.
Is it what I thought I would be doing with these four years of my life?
Not even a little tiny bit.
But, I love it.
I love telling people about Jesus in a way they've never heard Him explained before.
I love stuffing ten women into a dorm room to study the Word and share hearts.
I love running on empty streets in the morning and dedicating my day to God's glory.
I love sharing every meal with a community of believers who want to see this campus on fire for God.
I love meeting new people, and realizing they love Jesus too, and aren't quite sure what they're doing at college either.
I love evenings spent at a coffee shop, worshiping Jesus and sipping hot chai with caramel.
I love that this existence is not putting me into debt.
I love the absolutely incredible friends and Christian community God has lavished upon me.
I love diversity and experiences and my possibly high, gay poetry professor.
I love learning and growing and buying my own deodorant.
I love being a part of a movement for Christ that is changing lives every day.
Yet, in it's own way, every day comes with a moment of dissatisfaction.
Because I don't want what this University is trying to give me.
And I don't want what America is trying to push me toward.
And the deepest parts of my being are on FIRE
to GO.
and do.
and serve.
and tell of Jesus.
and experience the world.
and love the orphans.
and rescue women from sex-trafficking.
and pray for broken bodies to be made whole.
and cook a meal for a starving child.
and make disciples of all the nations.
A God-loving student I met at a conference last year just left for a missions trip called World Race.
He is going to 11 countries in 11 months
and being the hands and feet of Jesus
all over the world.
And my soul burns with the hope
that one day I would find myself
doing the same.
I am going to Ethiopia for a month and a half over the summer.
If I didn't have that, I don't know what I would do.
Because the thought of living in America for the rest of my life
is one that I cannot quite handle.
The American dream sounds terribly dissatifying to me.
I just want to go and do.
To say that I don't know why God has put me here on this campus in America right now
would be a lie.
I know.
You probably even know.
The movement happening here is no secret.
It's a big deal. And it's awesome.
If it wasn't for this missions field on campus, I would have no reason to be here.
So with that, I push on.
I long to go.
But, God has me staying for now.
It is only my hope that the staying is temporary,
and the going is permanent.
God, grant me patience and satisfaction.
"I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God." --Ecclesiastes 3:12-13
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