"You will never be more wrong than the first time you say 'I love you.'" - Neil Hilborn
Fourteen years
And we must know
that we are soul mates
I think it was the way your
greasy blonde teenage boy hair
dipped ever so slightly over your right eye
to the dismay of your parents
That's how I knew
How did you know?
Was it the way I manipulated
everyone I knew?
Or my willingness to request the bathroom pass
five times during geometry class
so I could text you in the stall
about how excited I was to see
a crappy concert with you
and our other friend
and our other friend's dad
next weekend?
That must have been it -
the text messages
Or was it the way I lost every friend I had
to make more space in my life
for being wildly in love with you?
Friends I would
never
get
back
Was it my sudden enthusiasm to participate in all things church
in hopes that you might do the same
and we could find a safe, neutral ground for our
being together-ness
since our parents wouldn't approve until we were sixteen
The age of maturity
Sixteen is for losers
I knew I was in love with you
at least one point seven years before that
Thinking you're in love makes you do crazy things
like manage to use church activities as a form of rebellion
like sacrifice every best friend you have in high school
like cross every boundary you read about in every Christian dating book your mom bought for you
Like spiral into an endless depression
the day you said
"It never meant anything to me"
A depression I swallowed a pill to tame
at approximately two forty three this afternoon
Like leave public school
to spend more time with your mom
when the friends you abandoned
abandoned you too
Like keep your old sweatshirts
in my closet for years
never wearing them
but never throwing them out
because they're nice sweatshirts
and they really should get some use someday
Like my mind immediately flashing to memories of
me and you
and text messages
and crappy concerts
and evangelistic puppet teams
and crying myself to sleep
for a year
when he says,
"You will never be more wrong
than the first time you say
I love you"
Fourteen years
And we must know
that we are soul mates
I think it was the way your
greasy blonde teenage boy hair
dipped ever so slightly over your right eye
to the dismay of your parents
That's how I knew
How did you know?
Was it the way I manipulated
everyone I knew?
Or my willingness to request the bathroom pass
five times during geometry class
so I could text you in the stall
about how excited I was to see
a crappy concert with you
and our other friend
and our other friend's dad
next weekend?
That must have been it -
the text messages
Or was it the way I lost every friend I had
to make more space in my life
for being wildly in love with you?
Friends I would
never
get
back
Was it my sudden enthusiasm to participate in all things church
in hopes that you might do the same
and we could find a safe, neutral ground for our
being together-ness
since our parents wouldn't approve until we were sixteen
The age of maturity
Sixteen is for losers
I knew I was in love with you
at least one point seven years before that
Thinking you're in love makes you do crazy things
like manage to use church activities as a form of rebellion
like sacrifice every best friend you have in high school
like cross every boundary you read about in every Christian dating book your mom bought for you
Like spiral into an endless depression
the day you said
"It never meant anything to me"
A depression I swallowed a pill to tame
at approximately two forty three this afternoon
Like leave public school
to spend more time with your mom
when the friends you abandoned
abandoned you too
Like keep your old sweatshirts
in my closet for years
never wearing them
but never throwing them out
because they're nice sweatshirts
and they really should get some use someday
Like my mind immediately flashing to memories of
me and you
and text messages
and crappy concerts
and evangelistic puppet teams
and crying myself to sleep
for a year
when he says,
"You will never be more wrong
than the first time you say
I love you"
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