The Blog I Never Had

Last night I found myself turning off the lights at 2:30 a.m. and finally snuggling into bed. Apparently at some point in the evening I had decided to pick up one of my old journals, and after that I couldn't put them down. I just kept reading and reading. Journal after journal. I was kind of in awe. I guess I started journaling regularly 2 to 3 years ago. I did a whole lot last year during a really rocky time in my life. And as I was reading these entries, I was simply taken aback by God's faithfulness. So many of those writings were so dark and dreary. I was simply a different person. They were pleading with God. Begging him for peace and to make the pain go away. I look at some of my prayer requests, the ones I prayed over and over and over, and I realize that so many of the things that I constantly worried over a year ago I barely ever think about now. It really put my life into perspective. I am growing. God is working in my life like crazy. I'm so...happy now. I had times and moments of happiness and joy before. But now...joy defines my life. And it is so cool. Because God did that. While looking at the dark moments of years past....I also discovered some hardcore deep thoughts that I wrote about. I had some really good thoughts going on. I don't feel the same way as I used to when I wrote some of these things. I don't struggle so much with the same things. But I did have some great thoughts during my times of pain. And I really wanted to share some of these with you. So I'm going to take a blog trip to the past. And I'm going to post a series of entries that were written a long time ago. I will put the correct dates with them. And I hope you enjoy. And the cool thing is...the entries that I am going to post are actually only from earlier this year. I have changed so much so quickly. I had almost forgotten that old girl existed. God has worked some wonders in my life. These aren't the prettiest thoughts. Some of them were written out of pain and desperation. But they are seriously human thoughts. This is real life. Maybe God has something to teach you through my pain from years past. I know I learned a lot just by rereading them. So, my dear friend, welcome to my journal.