We were made to be lovers

bold in broken places,

 pouring ourselves out

again and again

until we're called home.

Is Anyone Among You Suffering?

Well, you see, I was going to write you a beautiful little post about the wonderful power of prayer. I would tell you about how when you pray, you had better expect God to move. Because He will and He does! I would tell you about how I've been praying more lately, and I've been praying with faith. And I would tell you about how prayers are being answered, people are being healed, hearts are being restored, lives are being flipped around, and friendships are being formed. And I would even mention the small things -- like cars starting and bills being paid and cool breezes on hot days -- so that you would know that God cares about every detail of your life. But then I realized that I could go on and on about how super awesome and lovely and powerful prayer is...but I would still fall short of communicating my point to you. So, with that, I will just give you this:

Is anyone among you suffering? He should pray. Is anyone cheerful? He should sing praises. Is anyone among you sick? He should call for the elders of the church, and they should pray over him after anointing him with olive oil in the name of the Lord. The prayer of faith will save the sick person, and the Lord will raise him up; and if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The intense prayer of the righteous is very powerful.
James 5:13-16

Breathe that stuff in.

There is Power in the Name of Jesus

I spent the last seven incredible days of my life at a crazy little gathering called Cornerstone Festival. And, let me tell you, dear reader; it rocked my world.

I told my friend last week that I think Cornerstone is the closest place to Heaven I've ever been. Not that it actually has anywhere remotely close to the perfection and glory that Heaven will possess. But, what I mean by that statement is that Cornerstone is closer to...what it is supposed to be like. It is a little glimpse of glory. The unique people, embracing community, abounding love, judgement-free environment, and constant riduculously insane worship to God. That's what it's supposed to be like, man! THAT is what it is supposed to be like. That is how God made us to function. And, oh man, that little taste of glory was so intensely satisfying. You need to know about it.

God moved/spoke/provided/loved in the following ways at Cornerstone 2011:

• Anchor Stage -- Place where God dwells
• Worship every single day, and I never tired of it -- I think we need to worship more than we do
• Baptism times three
• Hippie Cindy -- a woman healed of many ailments by the glorious power of God
• Meeting a man who is walking across the country to minister to the homeless
• Meeting a man who is homeless
• Moshing for Jesus -- sweat, mud, and Flatfoot 56
• Losing my wallet; praying to find it; finding it with nothing taken from it
• Teenagers who are on fire for GOD
• Signing three people up to sponsor children; realizing those people were 15, 16, and 17 years old
• Jeremy John Smyth -- a Canadian gem
• Spending the whole week with my wonderful friend Erin; knowing her more, learning new things with her, growing in Christ together, loving
• Watching people worship in full abandonment, holding nothing back
• God is supernatural. Believe it. Never doubt.
• Tears just because God loves us so stinking much!
• Listening group -- three minutes of my story and three minutes of yours and we'll be friends forever
• Gungor -- worship as an art
• The lake -- God's gift to the over-heated
• Meeting many people who have been to or are working in Ethiopia! Asking them so many questions. Connecting.
• The Got Your Back Movement -- providing school uniforms to kids in need
• Praying for/with people...and then meeting them
• Kaitlyn and Ashleigh
• Not getting sunburnt
• The song "Jesus Paid it All" over and over and over
• Hardcore bands that talk about Jesus in between screaming
• Learning about God through sand castles that continuously fall when the water comes
• Talking to a Catholic Priest....actually seeing God in him. Knowing that he's legit about Jesus.
• Being challenged in new ways. Questioning things over and over. Seeking truth.
• The man in the merch tent who just wanted to talk to us, not sell us his stuff
• Not passing out
• Anthony makes me smile. God is good.
• Free ramen. A ministry, I think.
• Dancing my heart out for Jesus
• Three dollars saves three girls from sex-trafficking
• Sunday night. When I thought it was all over...and God had more in mind.

The intense prayer of the righteous is very powerful.
James 5:16

 And just so you can soak a little more of this goodness up, here are some quotes from various speakers, singers, friends, random hippies from the week, that I found worthy of being written in my little yellow notebook:

"None of us really care about what we smell like, we just love Jesus."

"And an Athiest came up to the front and said...I didn't really believe in God until right NOW."

"Physical healing is purely a window into the soul."

"There is power in the name of Jesus. So break every chain. Break every chain. Break every chain."

"Freely you have received -- freely give."

"I have a fat crush on Jesus and I love it when he talks about me when I'm not around!"

"Even those who reject the word of God reject it out of a place of  blindness."

"God does not need me to save anyone."

"You're going to find yourself standing up for people you can't stand to be around."

"Forgiveness is not giving someone a free pass for hurting you. Forgiveness is allowing God to be God."

"Most of the people that hurt us are actually the people that we love."

"Forgiveness = seeking justice"

"Humility is the path to intimacy with God."

"There is absolutely nothing you can do to turn His love away."

"Just let Him be Abba, Father, Daddy."

"What is this thing in our culture that when we try to love someone and they don't love us back, we think that is God telling us that we don't have to love them?"

"Don't get all hung up over all the theological bull crap in this society. Love. Participate in what God is doing."

...and hearts were restored that week.

Summer Adventures

I'm going to take a break from my usual deep/spiritual/emotional post and just give you an update on my life. Because a lot is happening at once these days, and you may start wondering if I dropped off the face of the earth here sometime soon. I assure you, I have not. But here's what's up:

Last week I went to Senior High camp at Faith Bible Camp. It rocked my socks. God moved like no other. Friendships were formed and relationships were strengthened. I dove into the book of Philippians and fell in love. I shared tears with a girl who lost her dad at the age of 8 from a drug overdose. I made friendship bracelets for some beautiful girls and was really encouraged by God's elements of surprise and perfect timing. He knows what He's doing. Camp was amazing.

Tomorrow begins the first day of Cornerstone week. My lovely friend Erin is coming to stay with me for the week and experience the fest for the first time. I'm really excited about this. I'm really excited about how powerful God has always been at Cornerstone. I'm ready to be stripped down and broken for God. I'm ready for mud pits and mosh pits and free ramen noodles. But most of all I'm ready for the Holy Spirit to MOVE. Be praying for the fest, friend.

I went to the doctor today to talk about a lot of Ethiopia stuff. I got a prescription for malaria and learned how to pop my ears so they don't explode on the airplane. I got 4 shots last week and almost passed out. I don't do well with needles. I have to get 2 more shots next week and I am not excited about it. Yellow fever and typhoid...which apparently can have some nasty side affects. I always get every side affect. So pray for that too.
As far as our trip goes...fundraising is going well. We still have a few hundred dollars left to reach our goal. But we are SO thankful that God has provided so much for us! He has been incredible and you guys have been incredible in supporting us. We are beginning to collect donations to take over there. Childrens clothes, multivitamins, stickers, small toys, toothbrushes/toothpaste, etc. We've had some stuff come in already and are praying that more will come. We would love to take an extra suitcase of donations...but this will cost another $200. If the money comes in, you know we will be doing that!

On July 9th we will be having a pillowcase dress making days with some of the ladies from my church. It should be a wonderful time and I can't wait to see the children's faces in Africa when they get a brand new dress! This will be an exciting time.

I could really go on with details on our Ethiopia trip for a long while. Perhaps I will try to make another post about that.

College. That is happening. I got registered for classes at WIU at the beginning of June. I'm pretty satisfied with my schedule. I met my roommate, too. Her name is Kate and she is an answer to prayer! She is such a blessing. God has definitely brought us together for His Glory. I can't wait to share my college years with this beautiful, Jesus-loving girl. God is so good.

God has provided for me abundantly financially for college. I am going to do my best to use it all for His glory. This is such a blessing. I am so thankful.

Due to my financial stability, I am going to be sponsoring a Compassion International child at Cornerstone this next week. We've sponsored a girl named Kiriti as a family for several years now. I am really excited about being able to do this on my own now! Be praying for me and for the child I sponsor. I will post information about him/her as soon as I can.

In mid-July I am going back out to Faith Bible Camp to counsel 3rd-5th graders. It's a pretty awesome experience. I love it a lot, really. Those kids keep me busy! And God is so wonderful in giving me the opporunity to teach them.

Lindsey and I leave on July 25th for Ethiopia. We will return on August 8th. And on August 20th I will be moving into my dorm on campus!

So....my summer is kind of crazy. And kind of amazing. I am loving every minute of it. God has given me soooo many opportunities to serve Him. He is so faithful and so holy. He is my joy and my righteousness.

Thanks for being a part of this beautiful life, dear friend.

Now if  I don't post for a couple of months...you will know why.
I'm doing that stuff^^.

Be a Firefly

I caught a firefly tonight.
First one of the summer.

The thing about fireflies is
they are actually around all day,
they just don't have any reason
to shine in the daylight.

When the darkness comes
they reveal their light,
and then it's impossible
to not notice them..

And the other thing about fireflies is,
the darker the world around them,
the brighter their lights shine.

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. --Matthew 5:14-16



Fear Not, My Love

We had a guest speaker at church this week. I don't remember his name or where he was from. But, I do remember that he had a really powerful message, and he was full of passion and the Holy Spirit. I know that he was legit about Jesus Christ.
I got up and shared about my trip to Ethiopia in front of the congregation on Sunday for a few minutes. I guess that's all that guest pastor knew of me. I didn't talk to him or tell him my life story. I didn't share with him how I was feeling about Africa and college and growing up. ...But I guess he figured it out anyway. I guess God must have filled him in. Because, he came up to me after the service and blessed me with this wonderful verse:

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
--Isaiah 41:10

And I guess I didn't recognize until right then....how scared I really was. Because when he started talking to me about not being afraid, my eyes began filling up with tears -- unexpected tears. So then I sat there and starting thinking about it. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized how scared I really am. And the more I realized how scared I was, the more that verse continued to bless me and fill me with peace. And the more I was filled with peace about my fears, the more I found myself in awe of the greatness of God.

Yeah, I am scared.
I'm scared of being fully surrendered and heading to a country halfway across the world with no idea what to expect. I'm afraid of a 14 hour plane ride. I fear being completely out of my element and not knowing how to reach the people there. I'm afraid I won't be able to handle the utter poverty that I'm going to face. I'm scared that my own pride is going to get in the way of my ability to share God's love. I'm afraid of not being able to make the impact that I'm supposed to make there. I fear that Africa will not meet all the hype -- that I will come home disappointed and exhausted.

I'm afraid of coming home and having my life completely flipped around, trying to figure out how to deal with what I've just experience in Africa...and then having to pack up right away and move away from home and start this college thing. I'm afraid I won't be the same person I am when I left, and at the same time I hope Africa changes me. I fear I'm trying to take on too many life altering things at one time. I'm afraid of college being ridiculously more than I can handle. I'm scared that the crazy college world will suck me in and corrupt me into someone who I am not. I'm scared of not being able to find that solid group of Christian friends that I am going to need for support. I'm scared of not knowing what to say when my psychology professor lectures on humanism and how there is no way to possibly know the meaning of this life. I'm afraid of wasting my time day after day...not doing enough for the Kingdom of God.

I feel like I'm probably going to have some sort of epic, super-spiritual breakthrough sometime soon. Sometime between intimate cabin devotions at camp, falling on my knees at cornerstone, and giving a poverty-stricken boy his first pair of new shoes...I feel that God is definitely going to take hold of me and teach me something ridiculously powerful. How could he not?

I talked to a man who spent some years in Africa. I told him about my trip. He told me this:
"Don't go to Africa and not expect to be changed."

So that scares me, and also is pretty exciting.

I guess the whole point of this post is that I didn't realize how scared I was until someone told me not to be scared. And then God worked in a pretty awesome way. Because He will strengthen me and help me and uphold me with His righteous right hand.

And when I meditated on that promise, the fears began to fade away.
God says, "Don't be afraid."
Don't be afraid of failure or illness or the days to come. Do not be afriad of life or death or any trial you may face. Because He is with me.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. --Romans 8:38-39

And as I start worrying about the trials ahead, the Lord comforts me in speaking these words:

 Consider it pure joy, my brothers,whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
--James chapter 1

Take that psychology professors, scary plane rides, and intimidating circumstances.

I have a crown waiting for me.

Cardinal Baby

This little guy has been hanging out in the bush by my porch for a couple of weeks now.
First, in gray spotted egg form.
And just 2 days ago, in mutant baby bird form.
Just give it some time, guys.
I think he'll look a lot cuter real soon.
I noticed today that he's starting to grow little tiny feathers!
Isn't life just so cool?

Life.

A woman came into the pregnancy center today
with three happy children
and glowing
because she was expecting another.

There are two baby cardinals
in a nest right by the porch
that were born just today.
Their fuzzy, squirming bodies
know only how to open thier mouths
to receive food from their mama,

Life is happening today.

It is beauty
and it is hope.

Foggy Days

This is my third post about Heather.

Maybe it seems like a lot.

I think I've discovered

that the easiest way for me to express what I'm feeling

is by writing.

So write I will.

I will write about her until

it has all been released.

I don't understand death or dying.

I've been through it a time or two, I guess.
But I didn't understand it then either.

I don't understand why sometimes
people die at the age of 103
from what we tend to call
"natural causes."
They just lived their life
to its fullest extent.

And sometimes people die at the age of 57
from the cancer that had been spreading
in their body for years.
It was just a ticking time bomb.

And sometimes people go to
sleep one night
at the sweet sweet age of 17,
and don't wake up the next morning.
And nobody.
ever.
understands.
why.

More than death,
I don't understand mourning.

I don't think I understand it
even a little bit.

Apparenty there are stages or something
to grief.
But I don't remember them.

Anger is one of them.
I suppose I feel that.

Denial...maybe...is another.
I suppose I dealt with that
at the very beginning.

There's acceptance.
Yeah, I don't know when that is
supposed to happen.

Is there like...
a time limit
to this mourning thing?

How long am I allowed to be sad for?

This is day three.
And it only feels like it's getting harder.

Is this one of those things that gets harder before it gets better?

I'm going to be celebrating my 18th birthday
in three days.
But today all I can think about
is how she'll never get to celebrate hers.

It would have been next tuesday.
Just for the record.
We were only five days apart in age.

Death...
She died.
She's actually gone.

Life still kind of seems like it's in a fog.
Just going through the motions,
while feeling nothing.

You know what the weirdest part
of mourning is?
The rest of the world goes on.

Yeah, they don't stop to mourn with you.
Soldiers are still fighting in Iraq.
Boyfriends are still breaking up
with their girlfriends.
Teenagers are still complaining
about not having anything to eat
in thier refrigerator full of food.
Children in Ethiopia
still don't have clean water.

The world is still turning.
And I'm not sure if that's
a good thing or a bad thing.

Because nothing else really
seems to matter in my life right now.
I wonder how long that will last.

Is this all just going to fade away
on its own?
Or am I going to have to work
on getting over it
and moving forward?

You see, the thing is....
I don't understand death or dying.
And more than that,
I don't understand mourning.

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

And so I cling to that.

If tomorrow never comes...

Don't read this and pity me.
Read this and be moved.

Dear Reader,
I am going to tell you a story.

Just a few short months ago I took a trip to St. Louis with my youth group. We attended an evangelism conference called Dare2Share. And it was wicked! That place was filled with thousands of teens on fire for God. It was moving and inspiring and motivational. It made me want to burn with God. It was a great weekend. But it was also a really really challenging weekend.

A big part of the conference was learning how to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with our friends. It was equipping us to know what to say and how to say it. It was challenging us, as teenagers, to embrace the akwardness and start speaking outwardly about our faith in Christ. In fact, the motto for the weekend was "awkward is the new awesome." It was exciting stuff. But challenging. So challenging.

On the very first night, one of the first thing we were asked to do was to grab a Sharpie pen and write three names on our hands. These were to be the names of three people we knew who needed to hear about Jesus. People who needed prayed for and needed the love of Christ to rock their world. Three friends in need of the gospel.

And then throughout the weekend we were given time to ourselves and challenged to CALL each of those friends. Or to contact them in some way, no matter how awkward it be, and tell them about Jesus. Just start a coversation with them, and let the Holy Spirit take it from there. That was a challenge. It was a difficult challenge.

It probably shouldn't  have been that hard. We were all Christians. We were living for the Lord. Yet we cared so much about what people thought about us. And being asked to make those phone calls just made the entire room feel tense.

So I....I got in touch with one of my three friends. Via text message. (Lame, I know.) The second one didn't answer and the third I had the wrong number for. But the thing is...the challenge wasn't supposed to stop at that conference. I was supposed to take it home with me and make sure that I got in contact with those friends and tons more people to share what amazing things Jesus has done for me and for them!

...But I didn't. I never talked to those other two people. I haven't to this day. I got back into the swing of life, I sent them a few prayers from my guilty conscience....and I went on.

One of those names written on my hand was Heather.

Heather died yesterday.
At the age age of seventeen, she went to bed and didn't wake up the next morning.
On the brink of figuring out who she was and what she was going to do with her life, it was all taken from her.
In a moment, everything can change.

I don't know if Heather ever found Jesus. I can only hope and pray that someone, somewhere, did what I did not. That someone sat her down and said YOU NEED JESUS.
If I could pick up that phone right now I would beg her to come to God. I would plead and sob and drive to wherever she was so that I could pray with her and be with her and show her the love that He has for her.

Maybe Heather knew God.
I don't have that answer.
But I know I could have.

I'm not writing this so that you will feel sorry for me and cry because my heart and soul have been crushed by the death of this good friend. I'm writing this so that you might read it and be changed. I writing this so that the urgency of the gospel might be made known to you!

Jesus needs us to spread his word TODAY.
Not tomorrow.
Not later.
Not when you get home.

Right now. This is the moment he needs you to move.

Heather was a beautiful girl.
She deserved so much more love than she was ever given.
And she will be my inspiration until the day I die.
She will be my motivation.
I am going to be different now because of Heather.
I am going to live by the following words:

Don't waste today.

Because if you knew tomorrow was not coming...
today would seem a lot more vital.

This isn't about living with "what ifs" and regrets.
Those things have no place here.
This is about being touched
And allowing a really crappy situation
To change your life for the better.

Today is vital.

Our time here is short.
We have a mission.
Glorify God.

I'm not saying you have to go out and witness on the streets every day of your life.
I'm just saying, make today count.
Work on yourself today.
Work on someone else tomorrow.
Spend time on your knees the next day.
Worship your heart out the day after that.

Just make it count, okay?

For Heather.

Heather: a celebration of life

I remember the day I first met you
the summer before fourth grade,
when you and your abundance of brothers
moved into the crappy yellow house
right behind mine.

I spotted you from across the grass and weeds,
your long dark hair sweetly blowing in the wind
and your eyes set like you had a mission.

I think I was a little frightened of you at first.

And then..it happened.
Friendship and happiness and smiles and love happened.
And my life will never be the same.

We did homework on my trampoline
and walked through town in the rain, barefoot.
Rollerbladed every day that summer
and the next...
because that's what the cool kids did back then.
Especially rollerblading into the video store.
Cuz they let you do that, you know?

I ate so many Hershey's Cookies and Cream bars with you,
I can't look at one without thinking
of your radiant face.

We had heart-to-hearts on my bedroom floor
and faces covered in powdered sugar at the carnival.

We got mad at life together
and shared the woes of Jr. High:
Not making it on the cheerleading team,
Having to do stair laps in p.e.,
Getting detention for chewing gum...again.

One exciting winter day
we gave your little brothers straws
and challenged them to see who could
suck up the most snow.
Then we just stood back and watched and laughed.

You had such a crappy situation,
yet you rose above it like a champ
and that makes me smile.
You finished school
cleaned yourself up
got serious about life,
and were learning to be a nurse!

I am SO proud of you.

I always knew you had it in you
to rise above and prove them wrong,
the ones who said you would be nothing.
You can be somebody.
You believed it.
And you were somebody.

Somebody special.

You were a free spirited
headstrong
independent
passionate
beautiful
loved
child of God.

I will look out my bedroom window tonight
and see an abandoned yellow house,
and I'll remember the day we first met,
staring curiously at each other
from adjoining back yards.
And then I'll say a prayer
and hope to God that one glorious day
....we will meet again.

You will become my inspiration,
Heather Ann Poore.

My life is changed forever.

                        Heather Ann: 1993 - 2011
"Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure."
Psalm 39:5

ETHIOPIA IS WHERE IT'S AT!

If you're not a follow of my other blog, the one about my trip to Ethiopia this summer, here is a link to the newest post. Please read it. I urge you.

http://followyou2011.blogspot.com/2011/05/donations-donations-donations.html

Bands you Should Listen to Before you Die:

Death Cab for Cutie
The Decemberists
The Hush Sound
Everfound
John Mark McMillan
Copeland
Children 18:3
Bradley Hathaway
Melody Gardot
Needtobreathe
Nickel Creek

Feel free to add to my list below.

John 15:5

You can do nothing without Me.

The Transfiguration

Peter said to Jesus, "Lord it is good for us to be here. If you wish, I will put up three shelters -- one for You, one for Moses, and one for Elijah."
While he was still speaking, a bright cloud covered them, and a voice from the cloud said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!"
When the disciples heard this, they fell facedown to the ground, terrified.
Matthew 17:4-6

The voice of the Lord sends people to the ground.
Would that I might fall on my face now and then.